Published on 12, July, 2020
So I hear us autistics love/need our routines but what if our routine is doing absolutely bare minimal. Well I think that’s what my routine is and if I have to do anything or am made/asked to do something I get very stand-off ish and rather unpleasant this then leads to arguments with the person asking, mainly my NT wife who is struggling to understand my condition and how it affects me(newly diagnosed) this results in me thinking im just a nasty lazy piece of work and a rubbish husband who not only doesn’t work but doesn’t even help at home.
I know I shouldn’t but I still feel like there’s something wrong with me and I’m broken! I’m a worthless waste of oxygen!
I HATE having any kind of plan for the weekend or evenings. If people invite me to things or keep messaging about meeting at a certain time etc I get really angry, even though they're friends and being nice. I feel really harassed and get angry. But I guess that is our routine, and that is our opportunity to have some freedom and downtime for ourselves. I have to be at work every single day for a set number of hours at the same time, so outside of work is for me. Although you don't have an obvious routine, when you're doing the bare minimum do you have a routine within that? Mine include what I have decided to eat and when I want to eat, so whilst it's not an obvious routine as in I WILL EAT AT THIS TIME LIKE I DO EVERYDAY, to me in my head I have decided for example that I want to treat myself to a proper meal for Saturday lunch, I'm doing nothing before or after that time, but I know that, and I look forward to it, and to a proper meal. If that makes sense?