That’s weird because people tell me I talk to quietly and can mumble, I think that it’s because I know I can hear me and that I don’t realise that I’m talking so that the other person can hear.
A lot of people talk too loud. They are not even autistic. He or she who yells loudest these days is the one who has to be heard. Try riding on a bus when schools turn out!!
What I wonder is, why don’t people just LISTEN to each other? Why don’t NTs generally not know how to take turns and include quieter voiced people? Of course the answers are probably quite obvious.
Just wondering what other people think. Who raises their voice first in a discussion and why? Most people do it. It’s not an ASD thing.
I have this problem too, it mainly only happens when I am excited, and am trying to communicate something with intense emotion -- "excited", not in the pleasurable sense, like this makes me happy, although that can happen too, but more physiological (increased intensity - adrenaline, cortisol, stress).
There is a gradual acceleration, in that I can start speaking normally, but then the faster I speak the louder I get.
Therefore, the way to prevent or manage this is to be aware of those moments when your son is eager to say something (it will usually show in his body language), then point this out to him and make him pause for a second, then speak -- he has to learn to adjust his voice level BEFORE speaking to people -- I emphasis before, because he has to make the connection himself that:
1. Before I speak, I need to be calm
2. When I speak, I need to talk slowly
3. People will be more receptive, when talking slowly (improves his understanding of empathy)
At age 18 he is likely too old to be using flash cards, but because we have difficulty in reading body language and knowing what is and isn't appropriate, it may help him to use visual cues to learn to associate situations with actions, and actions with apprioriate voice level.
It may also help by using a physical hand gesture to signify that A) he is too loud B) which means he needs to lower his voice AND speak slowly (making him calmer) - the two must be done together in order to ease their anxiety and excitement.
A hand gesture that comes to mind is pointing and tapping your ear. Ear is symbolically associated with hearing so it's symantically correct. It also won't get you strange looks in public.
Hi my son is 18 with aspergers, he is having difficulties with knowing when he is raising his voice to people which causing both them and him distress. Does anyone else have this difficulty and have any suggestions/strategies that they have used to help with this?
Pressing one of the ear canals shut whilst talking can help one to be more aware of one's vocal volume, and checking with others of course (as StephenHarris suggested) ~ or using agreed upon hand signals to let him know he is speaking to loud, such as flat palm patting a clenched fist when too loud and patting a clenched fist thumbs up on a clenched fist when just right. The hand signal one can be used with people he knows well, and he can use the pressing one of the ear canals shut more for strangers. These techniques worked well for me involving the same problem.
Hi, Maybe try phoning the helpline on this website as they may be able to offer some ideas. Sorry that I can’t offer any more helpful advice. I think that a lot of us struggle with understanding how we are coming across to other people/how others perceive us.
Definitely used to have this issue, mostly before my diagnosis. Suggest you ask him to speak at what he thinks is a quiet volume and it will be normal - he'll become accustomed to that.
I’ve definitely made my mum feel as though I’m shouting at when I feel as though I’m talking firmly or raising my voice to make something clear to her or have annoyance from her. Honestly I’m struggling to know how to handle it myself, but from what I understand always try and stay calm when you can, take the patience to ask what’s wrong and talk through what’s going on in his head and try to be considerate. He’s probably going through periods of depression, loneliness, anxiety, frustration, etc.
My experience with my attitudes towards me feeling as though my mother is talking to/treating me like a little kid or holding me back from certain freedoms/opportunities. So I can see if this helps you out at all, pls get back to me if you’ve tried already
Thank you for your reply. It must be extremely difficult when you are unaware until it is pointed out to you. He is finding it very frustrating as he feels he will loose people close to him. Hopefully there may be some answers from others to help
No idea to be honest, but replying because I’m interested in the answers from others. I have been told I speak in a very monotone voice. But there’s been lots of occasions in the past when I’ve been shouting or come across as very intense and I’ve had absolutely no idea myself than I’m doing it or have communicated like this. It’s got me into a lot of trouble at times and caused so much anger and frustration because I haven’t known I’ve done it, and sometimes don’t believe I have so I haven’t been able to take the criticism.
