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Are my friends being mean? Am I over sensitive?

Tigerbalm

So I don't have many friends where I live, but I have my boyfriend (T) and one good female friend (L) who I spend a lot of time with. I often feel upset at what I feel are subtle digs at me. With my boyfriend I have occasionally tried to address this and tell him that I don't like it, it feels negative, I don't think it's funny, but he insists he's only being jokey and he's not done anything wrong. I have never tried to address it with L because I would get too upset and I can't do confrontation...

Anyway, here are some examples.

If I have to ask L to repeat herself because I couldn't hear something she said (because of other noises, her mumbling, her accent, whatever), she sometimes says "You should get your hearing checked." If I don't immediately see something she's trying to point out to me and I need more descriptions, she says I should probably wear glasses. If I feel cold and she doesn't she says I should get my thyroid checked. This is most often when we are in the car and she is anxious because she is a nervous driver. There are other things but these types of comments have been accumulating. I also feel while she's driving she makes me responsible for her state of mind and when I'm in the car with her I actually get anxious and scared to say/ask anything at all because anything could make her feel nervous and then she makes me responsible for saying that.

With T the comments could be anything at all. They are obviously not true but because it's an everyday occurence it really gets to me. He will for example say, to the dog, that I'm being mean. I'm not looking after her, I have done something to upset her (the dog), as in "She doesn't know how to look after you, does she. She doesn't care about your feelings." Or he might say I'm always lying about something, always telling little stories (in this playful silly voice). I don't lie. I actually can't think of more examples even though this happens everyday, but they're just silly random things and they're not true, he's always playful about it but they're always negative in some way.

These types of comments really get to me, if it was just the odd comment it would seem more like playful teasing but it's so frequent it's quite upsetting. I don't know how to react to them to make them stop. They are good people in other ways but sometimes it feels like borderline bullying. 

Parents

  • Tigerbalm, I think T's comments resemble something I've seen before that some people do.  In that case they complain to a ghost or the air [in this case hes ranting to the dog, but he wants you to hear it because he probably can't tell it to your face, but it's passive aggressiveness not proper communication, he is ridiculing or belittling you so you are right to feel sensitive about it] about what T doesn't like that you do or that you say about him, making you "mean". It is important whether it is when you're fighting or is he just teasing you generally, wanting you to do more work with the dog. "Care about feelings" is a bit peculiar to say, makes me wonder if he feels like you don't care about his feelings either, not only the dog. You best have a discussion with him to encompass everything, the way you feel when he talks to the dog, asking if he feels like you care about him, in calm ways. In the worst case scenario, maybe you should give the dog up for adoption if you both can't handle him and it's stressing both of you.

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  • Tigerbalm, I think T's comments resemble something I've seen before that some people do.  In that case they complain to a ghost or the air [in this case hes ranting to the dog, but he wants you to hear it because he probably can't tell it to your face, but it's passive aggressiveness not proper communication, he is ridiculing or belittling you so you are right to feel sensitive about it] about what T doesn't like that you do or that you say about him, making you "mean". It is important whether it is when you're fighting or is he just teasing you generally, wanting you to do more work with the dog. "Care about feelings" is a bit peculiar to say, makes me wonder if he feels like you don't care about his feelings either, not only the dog. You best have a discussion with him to encompass everything, the way you feel when he talks to the dog, asking if he feels like you care about him, in calm ways. In the worst case scenario, maybe you should give the dog up for adoption if you both can't handle him and it's stressing both of you.

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