Assessment tomorrow. Tired and feel like a fraud

It seems a lot of people feel that way going into the assessment. Feel like I'm going to be wasting their time. Also feel unprepared because I haven't been obsessively looking at all things autism in the last couple of weeks since my assessment was rescheduled (as I had been doing the last few months...). Don't know how to prepare myself for them telling me I don't have it and you're back to square one. Of course if I don't then I don't and that's fine, but it'll be hard. I also have to leave my dogs alone for a few hours while I'm at the assessment and I'll just end up worrying about whether they're okay. Almost feel like I don't want to go. I will because I have waited a long time and I need closure either way but I feel wrong about it somewhow. Anyway. If anyone is interested I will let you know how it goes.

  • Your dogs will just take a nap until you get back. You'll  have them waiting when you get home whatever the outcome.

    It seems like most people have these thoughts as you say just before the assessment  day. There is no equivalent situation I  can think of to compare it to.

    I hope you get your answer tomorrow. 

  • I've been waiting for several months and just received some questionnaires to fill in before attending. I completely understand what you mean about feeling like a fraud - I'm constantly questioning myself (e.g. I'll be having lots of sensory issues and wonder whether it's all in my head). I've wondered whether I'm autistic for years and have only just had the courage to join this group today; I felt I didn't really belong here until I was sure I was a part of the autistic community. Having said that, I've just reached a point where I want to be able to reach out for advice.

    The advice I'm trying to give myself is:

     - Anyone who suspects they're autistic has very good reason for doing so - whether our traits are autism or not, the challenges and experiences we have are real.

     - I've nothing to lose by getting an assessment (don't get me wrong - "feeling" autistic has been such a big part of my identity that I'm scared of having that taken away, but I would come to terms with it and explore other ways to help myself).

     - The assessment day will probably be tough, but it could give me the answers I need and help me get to know myself better - that's a lifelong benefit.

    In terms of your dogs, I'm sure they'll keep each other company. Dogs have no concept of time, so as long as they have water and one another, they'll be okay for a few hours.

    Best of luck for your assessment - I'd be interested to know how it goes.

  • definitely most people do have these thoughts, I was the same and I read up loads on autism and then didn't read it anything weeks leading up to appoointments largely as it was making me anxious, but these are experts in their field somewhat they will pick stuff up and I don't think u need to prepare, I was the same I wanted to prepare, and even in some of my session I thought I was masking but they still picked loads up even stuff I didn't actually tell them, so try not to worry, u will be fine

  • are experts in their field somewhat they will pick stuff up and I don't think u need to prepare, I was the same I wanted to prepare, and even in some of my session I thought I was masking but they still picked loads up even stuff I didn't actually tell them,

    Yes that's true. 

  • Anyone who suspects they're autistic has very good reason for doing so - whether our traits are autism or not, the challenges and experiences we have are real.

    That's the main thing I  think. Nobody 'wants to be autistic', you have your reasons for going this far. And you deserve a respectful answer one way or the other.

  • I hope so. I've started to doubt my own memories, experiences and feelings and am worried I am just somehow trying to make them fit

  • Thank you both. This really helps. I've never had much self-esteem and never been sure of my interpretations of experiences so I struggle to take my own difficulties seriously, especially while I'm going through a good phase. Like if I've had a good day with friends I feel like I can't possibly autistic if I can have fun with friends. I know it's a stupid way of thinking.

  • Thank you. It really is a strange situation where you can fail or pass but neither is good or bad and you can't even prepare for it to influence the outcome.

    I know the dogs will be fine. They're always good when I leave them, just don't nomally leave them for that long. Just an extra thing I know I'm going to feel anxious about :( 

  • No problem and it's not stupid. The more I read these forums, the more I realise those feelings are very normal. 

  • I've heard this before and I think it's a very sensible saying. I think I first heard it as an anecdote saying that GPs (at least ones who "know") say that if anyone walks into their surgery and says "I think I might be autistic" then they probably are, and will probably have done their research and checked it over many times, because why would anyone who *isn't* autistic think that they were?"

    I said at my ADOS appointment "If I were simply being hypochondriac, then why did I *choose* autism to be hypochondriac about; why not ADHD - which I'm convinced I don't have by the way - or Schizophrenia or some other condition affecting the brain?". My point seemed to go across as well made.