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Dealing with criticism/debate/discussions

Tigerbalm

I find criticism and debates extremely stressful. It's not even that I'm not open to criticism, on a cognitive level I know criticism can be a good thing and you can learn from it. But I'm actually terrified of stating my opinion because someone is almost guaranteed to disagree with it in some way, and as soon as they do I start beating myself up over it, thinking I shouldn't have said/written that, I should just keep my stupid opinions to myself because not only may they be wrong, but now I am stressed because I have started a debate where I have to defend my opinion. Especially on the internet, places like Facebook I feel constantly stressed and worried. I want to get off Facebook because I don't think it's good for me but for a number of reasons it's not that easy. And also, wouldn't I just avoiding something I struggle with? How do I learn to deal with these things like a normal person? Like an adult? Because I want to, but if someone criticises me I'm flooded by a wave of panic and shame.

Parents

  • Don't sweat it - you have every right to have an opinion about anything and you don't need to be right - your opinion is just that - YOUR opinion.

    There are 7,000,000,000 people on the planet and odds are many will find some way to disagree with anything you say - especially on the internet.

    But just remember - the internet is not real - you owe these people nothing - let alone an explanation of your opinion.

    There are also huge numbers of sad-cases living in mommy's basement with nothing better to do that wind people up - and you don't know if you're dealing with one of them - or even a group of them - they get their kicks from bullying and upsetting people.

    The biggest rule of the internet is NEVER get into a fight with an idiot - they will drag you down to their level where that can beat you with experience. - it's just not worth it.

    Be proud of who you are and your opinions - and remember, you have the right to modify or change your opinions on anything at any time.

  • in reply to Plastic

    Thank you for your reply. Of course it's true what you're saying. On the internet I tend to either not comment on things or ignore responses I get. But that's much harder to do in real life in a conversation with someone. The thing is, I don't even have very many strong opinions, I tend to try and gauge what the other person is getting at and respond according to that (without saying something I actually completely disagree with), but often I get it wrong and then I find myself in a position where I have to defend an opinion that I don't even really feel that strongly about, that may not even really be mine... It's hard to describe. But I get this completely overwhelming stress that I don't know how to deal with whenever there is any form of disagreement.

  • in reply to Tigerbalm

    I know exactly how you feel - but it's often a bullying tactic to abuse a person during a discussion.  Don't get drawn into something you don't want to do - make a polite excuse and end the discussion.

    Some people are just complete a**holes and there's no point getting into a discussion with them - where you set the threshold of that normal person/a**hole limit is something you need to measure in the situation.  

    I've found that you can't have a reasonable discussion with lots of people these days - so don't bother trying unless you see them as reasonable people.

    For example - I was at my brother's last year and him and his wife had downed a few drinks - and they became more obnoxious as the evening went on - no matter how many times I tried to defuse the situation with the old " I totally respect your position, we're 180 degrees apart on this so we'll leave it at that" discussion ender, they insisted on trying to bully me into submission.   

    That's when I refuse to engage any more - I'd been dragged down to the idiot's level.

    My daughter refuses to go back there now - she was disgusted at the way they tried to attack me.

    So in life, be who you are and just accept you can't please everyone - and unreasonable people don't deserve your attention.  Smiley

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  • in reply to Tigerbalm

    I know exactly how you feel - but it's often a bullying tactic to abuse a person during a discussion.  Don't get drawn into something you don't want to do - make a polite excuse and end the discussion.

    Some people are just complete a**holes and there's no point getting into a discussion with them - where you set the threshold of that normal person/a**hole limit is something you need to measure in the situation.  

    I've found that you can't have a reasonable discussion with lots of people these days - so don't bother trying unless you see them as reasonable people.

    For example - I was at my brother's last year and him and his wife had downed a few drinks - and they became more obnoxious as the evening went on - no matter how many times I tried to defuse the situation with the old " I totally respect your position, we're 180 degrees apart on this so we'll leave it at that" discussion ender, they insisted on trying to bully me into submission.   

    That's when I refuse to engage any more - I'd been dragged down to the idiot's level.

    My daughter refuses to go back there now - she was disgusted at the way they tried to attack me.

    So in life, be who you are and just accept you can't please everyone - and unreasonable people don't deserve your attention.  Smiley

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