Do People Like You? Why don't people like me, is there something wrong with me?

I think being unapologetically yourself only works if yourself is good. Some people just don't belong anywhere. 

I'm 22 as well. I've lost multiple friend groups over the years - most recently in a really traumatic way two years ago. It sucks, I get that. Sometimes I still wonder if everyone hates me, but I know that's my anxiety/ depression talking.

I have found that the best way of finding your people is to be unapologetically yourself. The right people will gravitate towards you eventually. It may take some time and effort, but it feels so freeing.

It absolutely has nothing to do with how thin you are. If people judge you based on that, you absolutely do not want to have them in your life anyway.

Don't worry I feel the same exact way, I live in Virginia and it seems like the people at my work all hate me, I work with disabled adults and I have Autism myself,  my boss is a terrible human being, she has a disabled son and I would have expected her to treat me the same respect she would treat every other person with a disability with the respect and dignity that everyone equally deserves, what really sucks, is that I had a opportunity to teach adults with Autism how to cook, these adults that have severe autism, and it would have been amazing. I was talking to my 2 bosses about an idea I had and my boss just told me to stop talking. I hate my life and the fact that when people find out I'm autistic that must mean I'm incapable of talking or having an actual conversation. Its whatever I guess nobody wants anything to do with autistic people. It's better to be alone than to have fake people pretending they care about me, also what really makes me mad, my coworker had the nerve to say that "we're a family". Yeah, clearly silencing me when I have an idea is definitely something a family does.

I have found the walking group to be a success, after attending a few times and being friendly, saying hello, people started to talk to me and include me in events they organise to attend as a group. It does have a very wide range of ages, from 20’s to mainly pensioners, but this doesn’t bother me at all. I think as the group is based around walking, and it’s something I like to do, it was less intimidating for me to join. Although I do admit I investigated where they meet, and went alone and practiced walking into the venue so I would feel more confident going. 

I hope you find a way to make some friends, as it can be lonely doing things by yourself. I have a partner now and feel quite contented overall. But I do take what people say very literally, so sometimes when my partner is trying to be sarcastic I take him seriously, luckily he finds this funny and doesn’t mind lol! 

Hello,

Thank you for your reply . I'm glad that you have managed to meet people, even if you don't consider them friends I still think that's a good accomplishment! I'm sorry you had such a rough time of it at school, school wasn't very fun for me either. I'm glad you're here, hopefully you will enjoy your time here.

My sister used to sit up with me at night and we'd practice talking. I can remember lots of nights where we'd just sit up and practice talking and facial expressions. She was so funny sometimes, always full of laughter and was always trying to help me in any way she could.

I used to go for a lot of walks with my mum and dad. We lived near a forest and we'd often go for walks, especially on nice sunny days. I may look into a walking group as I do like taking walks.

Thank you for the reply .

No, this was helpful! Thank you for taking the time to reply .

I try to be a decent person as well, hopefully in time, for you and me, some people will want to be our friends and get to know us.

Astridlora. x

I wish you could have known her, she was amazing! She was kind, caring and helped me through so many difficult times and she had a beautiful singing voice and would give me cuddles which made all my troubles go away if I was stressed or struggling. she was so lovely .

Thank you for your advice. I'll look into local groups, but I won't push myself either so hopefully won't put too much pressure or stress on me.

Hugs back x.

Astridlora.

Hi, I have been lurking on this forum but never had the courage to post yet. I don’t have a diagnosis but have always been different, when I started school they reported my parents to social services because of how weird I acted, so I have been practicing fitting in from around five. I would practice conversations and social situations at home, and it has taken some time to be improve these skills so I don’t stand out. I still struggle with conversation topics, but have discovered most people like talking about themselves, and so I have some well practiced questions to ask people. 

One thing that was a success for me was joining a walking group, I enjoy walking so plucked up the courage to join one. To start with no one really spoke to me, but I enjoyed the walking and eventually people did start to talk to me. I’m in my 40’s and female. As it’s a organised walk, several people were walking alone, and I didn’t feel as stressed or like I stood out being alone. 

I felt the same as you in my 20’s. I still don’t have any friends, but mainly acquaintances as I find friends quite stressful, but feel overall I don’t really mind that now. 

Hello. People are hard work most of the time (for me anyway). It's nice when they make an effort to get to know you. I just try to be a decent person and hope for the best. I do realise this isn't very helpful but all the best to you.  

Oh A, so sorry to read you have lost your mum and bestie, she sounds great.  Hey, everyone only really needs one or two friends - any more can be a bit of a head ache to be honest!  Don't give up but at the same time don't try to hard either, a true friend likes you for being you. Yes it takes courage to go to new things for sure, but you may find you like it, and if not, try something else. You can do this, you only need to be brave for one night! Hugs x

Hi, i am so  very sorry for the delay in responding to you. I hope you don't think I was being rude. I only just saw this comment.

Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate it . I think my social skills are very bad, they always have been. The only person I really connected well with was my mum. I struggled to connect with my dad, but with mum it was easy, she was lovely.
Sadly now my skills of socialising seem even worse, I find it hard to talk to anybody.

I haven't looked to be honest, but I fear I'd have a panic attack if I joined a group. Although it would be nice to get to know some people on the spectrum. I am very lonely. My problem now, I think, is my mum was the only person who really understood me and now she's gone, it's so hard.

Astridlora. X

Thank you . This has been helpfl, very helpful actually. I really appreciate you taking the time out to help me.

FWIW - I also support All of that From Mr LoneWarrior! I cannot add to that, really. But If Friendship is all that important it is the standard matter of finding Persons with similar interests and "hanging" with them. Also, another standard is to post about interests on here and see how many people have the same interests.

( ..."Do people like You?" - In *my* case, people especially children "like" me automatically and chase me and pretend to like me. But has nothing to do with actual liking and I mention that so that You may watch out for that. (I hope that makes sense.) )

Hello.

Sadly my family are all now gone and I have no friends, I know people at work but they are only co-workers and I think most of them don't like me sadly.

I can sympathize with you, it's the same for me. I have a nice personality, i'm friendly and always do everything to the best of my abilities. I even make an effort to socialise well, I try to make eye contact and am never rude but people just avoid me and I can tell they don't want to be near me.

I'm sorry you go through the same things as me, I hope things will change for you soon. No one deserves this, everybody should be treated equally no matter who they are or what they look like.

Thank you for the response. I really appreciate it. X

Hello, thank you and yes I accept the virtual hug . 

I will stay here, I find it comforting being here around all of you. It helps me being here, I learn from everyone's experiences.

I know some people at work, but I feel like they talk ebcause they have to but feel that they really don't like being around me. I make them uncomfortable I think.

Thank you for your reply, it was really helpful. and thank you for the hug! X

I don’t really know why to say, or how to make you feel better.  Do you have any family or close friends?  I’m a bit older than you and have noticed since my early childhood that people just seem to hate me.  I don’t do anything wrong, I’m not rude to people and I don’t make rude or personal comments.  But people always just seem to really dislike me.  I was the hardest working employee when I was 16 and started the same day as five other people my age.  They all played around and skived etc, but i always worked hard.  Yet my boss just hated me.  And that seems to be consistent throughout my life.  When my gp mentioned autism to me and I read up on it a bit I did wonder whether there’s stuff I do that I’ve never been aware of.  Or whether it’s just from being slightly different to other people. I don’t know.  But while I have no advice, you’re not alone.  People are dicks. 

There is nothing wrong with you at all.

I pretty much know exactly how  your feeling as I too don’t have any friends, 

People also smile and chat to me, as I am an old bloke now I do get to meet real people sometimes, by that I mean genuine people who don’t judge instantly. I dress how I feel most comfortable which isn’t seen as the norm. 

I get people coming up to me and genuinely want to know why I dress this way and sometimes say very kind things about my clean well presented outfit. :)    

I have masked most of my life in order to try and fit in, it has worked to a degree, but doesn’t take long before I run out of subject matter.

They then move on looking for more stimulating fun. 

I have good qualities and I am extremely loyal.

I just don’t seem to have enough within me instinctively to hold anyone’s attention.

Chatting about the latest soap on tv does nothing for me, I am overly serious but am able to laugh and have a great sense of humour, slightly odd but funny nether the less Lol.

It is sad when people only want to know me for my few useful abilities but it proves I am good at certain things. 

The younger you are diagnosed and the more informed you are like now, the better equipped you will be to accept you are wonderful in many many ways. Find the real people who accept you for just you, no mask, it may be possible to join places with others on the spectrum.

like now you can see we are mostly genuinely nice caring individuals. Just because we don’t fit the majority does not in any way mean we are wrong.

 More enlightened in a lot of cases.

 I wish you well but for now feel free to stay here and learn more about each of us struggle but often find ways to enjoy our lives without feeling rejected.

may I offer you an aspie virtual hug?

its freely given and no pressure to accept it.

 I like to greet people online with a friendly hug I wouldn’t dare do our in the big wide world.

 Be happy but above all keep being you, you will find some special friends who accept you for who you are. Awesome!

 ()

Hello A, sorry to read you have experienced this and are feeling this way; no there is nothing wrong with you, it is highly likely that the people you come into contact with do not feel equipped themselves. Younger people find it particularly difficult to relate with anyone they percieve as different to them, ideally they need to recognise this and develop their skills - this usually comes with a bit of age and experience.  You could also develop your social skills to try and build on how you communicate with others.  Social skills are not something we can aquire and tick off the list as done; it takes many years of practice for everyone to develop these skills - its kind of ongoing for a long time; also, if you dont socialise for a while, it can feel like starting all over again sometimes. 

Have you tried joining any groups in your area to be among other people on the spectrum?  Guess it kind of helps sometimes to be with those who get it.