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How to describe what I’m feeling to GP. Anyone experienced similar?

NAS62726

I have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety.

however I do not feel depressed. I don’t feel happy...ever. But I don’t feel suicidal. I can get enjoyment from certain things such as going to the park with my Son. Generally I feel numb, nothing.

‘My main symptoms are:

complete exhaustion from the moment I wake up. I feel like I’m made of a great weight and even moving my body is a chore. 

‘Persistent memories of my Brothers death. I had to identify his body when I was 15. He had committed suicidal and his body was disfigured from his death. This image enters my head several times a day.

an inability to remember appointments or perform any duty that’s needed of me. Memory problems. I forgot two appointments for esa and had to rebook. Any demand on me causes extreme stress and worry even something as simple as being asked to make a phone call.

I live in a bubble where even getting dressed feel like an impossible task some days.

maybe I do have depression. I never used to. I was a happy, high-flying person before I got postnatal depression when my son was born. The depression has improved since being on sertraline but the side effects meant I had to come off it. I have been off it weeks now and feel no different in mood since coming off.

i was privately diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome but failed the NHS assessment. 

‘I feel like I’ve had a mental breakdown. Like my head has simply exploded and can no longer ‘re-boot’. I’ve had a diagnosis of depression but don’t feel this describes me at all.

my gp never seems concerned about me and I know I come across well. My counsellor admitted I seem so well until she got to know me.

can anyone shed any light onto what might be happening to me. Has anyone experienced something similar to me? 

Parents

  • Hi NAS 62726, I recognise those symptoms from previous times where I've been diagnosed as depressed and felt that the diagnosis was correct. Exhaustion, repeating memories / thoughts, memory problems all part of depression in my experience - also a feeling of wanting to be left alone and not bothered by demands to socialise or make phone calls etc.

    The depression / normal axis is not necessarily the same as sad/happy; I will say with confidence that I've been both depressed and temporarily happy (laughing and smiling) at the same time. There's such a thing as "smiling depression".

    But other things you say hint that you could be suffering some of the other thing I've been through, which I refer to as burnout - for me it was like depression in effect but qualitatively different and, as you said, head exploded and can no longer boot up. I believe it was an autistic burnout, meaning that the masking apparatus that I had assembled in my brain wore out and gave up.

    Hope that helps - happy to chat more.

Reply

  • Hi NAS 62726, I recognise those symptoms from previous times where I've been diagnosed as depressed and felt that the diagnosis was correct. Exhaustion, repeating memories / thoughts, memory problems all part of depression in my experience - also a feeling of wanting to be left alone and not bothered by demands to socialise or make phone calls etc.

    The depression / normal axis is not necessarily the same as sad/happy; I will say with confidence that I've been both depressed and temporarily happy (laughing and smiling) at the same time. There's such a thing as "smiling depression".

    But other things you say hint that you could be suffering some of the other thing I've been through, which I refer to as burnout - for me it was like depression in effect but qualitatively different and, as you said, head exploded and can no longer boot up. I believe it was an autistic burnout, meaning that the masking apparatus that I had assembled in my brain wore out and gave up.

    Hope that helps - happy to chat more.

Children
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