Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel so exposed, and like my gender is being stolen. I just don't know what to do. I love my gender so dearly - I feel like it's the most precious thing that belongs to me - and why people want to take it from me I'll never know. I'm thinking I could have a baby to prove my femininity, I mean, it's not hard, physically, to conceive a baby, but I wouldn't be a good mother...I'm not ready to be a mother, emotionally or in any other way...I've no partner, no money, nothing, not to mention the fact that my family would be devastated if I had a baby. I've thought about having one, then proving to the world that I'd given birth and therefore am inarguably a woman, then having the baby adopted by people who would love it, but how could I ever give my child away? It would destroy me, not to mention that the child would have my genes and therefore could grow up as defective as I am (I had a lovely upbringing and feel a lot of my pain and failings are a result faulty genes) or it were ever to find out it was adopted, it could feel abandoned.
I feel like the sun is pressing into my skull, that I'm being watched. Everything hurts. And everyone thinks I'm all right.
This has pretty much been my story, for seven years, since I was diagnosed. I don't think I can go on like this. I really don't.
I've been under mental health services before. I have a private psychologist. They all try and tell me this stuff isn't true and that it's down to my mental health, but I don't believe or trust them. I just feel invalidated and alone, and like everyone is complicit in hurting me.
Sickle Moon said:I've been under mental health services before. I have a private psychologist. They all try and tell me this stuff isn't true and that it's down to my mental health, but I don't believe or trust them. I just feel invalidated and alone, and like everyone is complicit in hurting me.
One of the problems with therapists and patients is that misunderstandings can sometimes be a bit of a problem.
My impression from what you have described is that you really are red raw sensitive to essentially the favouritism of males ~ and the dismissal of females; which many women knowingly put up with and many men unknowingly go along with as a socially shared and enforced norm.
As such, it is more than likely that sexual discrimination has been detrimental to your mental health, particularly in terms of diminishing your confidence, just as it has done and continues to do so for many people in a systematically pervasive way ~ whatever their sex, gender or neurological type may be.
mouse2 said:If you ever feel too distressed the samaritans are good or put a thread on here. I hope your in a better place today
I presume you wrote this for Sickle Moon, and if not or if so bless you either way, and here follows is a link for calling or emailing the Samaritans if need be:
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
If you ever feel too distressed the samaritans are good or put a thread on here. I hope your in a better place today