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Adult autism undiagnosed

NAS62892

My husband is 53 and for 2 years now (since we took early retirement and we spend more time together) I have suspected he is on the autistic spectrum. I would appreciate any independent views based on the behaviours below as I have no one to discuss with. I do not want him to speak to a professional given he has had physical (unrelated) conditions in the past few years so I don’t want him to see more doctors. Some relatives have suggested he has had certain behaviours since a child/teenager and he himself says he is ‘just a loner’. Behaviours include 1) staying up until 2-3am by himself - I have tried staying up till 2, he will wait till 3, if I stay up til 3, he will wait until 4 etc. I have said what impact this has on me and asked he occasionally comes to bed with me, but he never does. This has lasted pretty much since we met (20 years ago) 2) He prefers his own company eg goes walking by himself or sits alone 3) he is ‘emotionally neutral’ eg doesn’t show overt excitement or enjoyment at things I know he really likes 4) he is slow to interact in conversation or opts out (with me and friends, even his relatives) 5) our sex life has become one sided.  All of these things have really been going on for many years, but are more obvious nowadays. He more recently has become snappy and insists he is right in conversations or asks me for my opinion then chooses to go with his own option - I bite my lip. We love each other very much.. Does this sound like autism? And can it get worse with age or is it mainly situational? Thoughts much appreciated.

  • Thank you very much both, very useful. Any more views?

  • All these behaviours are symptomatic of aloofness, which is inhibition brought on by anxiety and stress. My parents have been together for nearly 40 years, and have routine episodes where they show signs of this. There is nothing specific that would indicate Autism, but more anxiety/depression related.

    NAS62892 said:
    staying up until 2-3am by himself - I have tried staying up till 2, he will wait till 3, if I stay up til 3, he will wait until 4 etc.

    This is a common behaviour typically exhibited by males, either to avoid having to communicate with their partner and risk having an argument or ruining the mood, or to avoid paranoia in the hopes of "relieving" ones self, without worry about being caught in the act.

    NAS62892 said:
    our sex life has become one sided

    Because autistics have trouble with empathy, and reading cues this would be something they would find difficult. However again, it's not specific to Autism, and can be a general sign of inexperience, anxiety and lack of communication.

    NAS62892 said:
    He more recently has become snappy and insists he is right

    Was he like this when he was a child? For instance, since a child I would always do this, but was instead insistant upon things I was confused in thinking was correct -- the act of confusion would be a marker of autism.

    Another thing to consider. "since we took early retirement and we spend more time together",  -- Male testosterone will start to lower when a man retires at that age. I would suggest that he take a health check, which tests for his hormone levels. When testosterone is low this slows down the system, and will produce inhibitory behaviours, and his low labido or enthusiasm could be due to this.

  • Some behaviours do sound similar to that of many autistic people. I can relate to staying up late until 2-3am - I do like to have some time to myself for a bit during the day. I am also slow in interacting in conversation and sometimes opt out.