Helping those to understand a teen on the spectrum - please read

I know this is long and I appoligise - but please read. I would love feedback or comments. I am Jess and I am 17 and have ASD ( Asperger's). 

I hope this helps, even just one person, but it's not very good x

At 9.10 am on cue we all trudged into the school auditorium. As I sat down on the scratchy red chair which irritated my legs, my heart was beating like a drum and my stomach was doing cartwheels. This was the moment I had been waiting for my whole time at secondary school! It was my time to show the school that I was forever grateful for the support they had given me over the years, and for allowing me to flourish. I was prepared to give up my time that I spend recovering from the exhaustion of the world helping the school, which is a big deal for me as I need my own time to recharge.

A nerve-wracking silence fell upon the room as Mr X was walking up to announce the Prefects. The role models of the school. He started in alphabetical order, in a loud clear voice. When he passed D, I began to panic but then realised they were announcing it in columns, so told myself “it’s okay Jess, keep calm and smile and congratulate the girl sitting next to you” all the while my heart was breaking. The names continued to roll on, yet my name was not among them.
It’s not that I took for granted that I would be a prefect, but the mere hope that my determination throughout my years at this school to not let things hold me back ,would show people that I would be dedicated to helping and improving things for the future pupils who need that extra bit of support. That those who are a bit different can still be recognised as successful and rewarded and allowed to show that they can rise to responsibility.
“And finally,” he said, and the final name was called out with a flourish. And that’s when I knew. I tried to bite my tough very hard to stop the tears rolling down, but I wasn’t successful. Thankfully, I was able to leave the hall as I wasn’t going to Oxford(clearly), and I ran to the bathrooms to the furthest stall, sank down and poured my heart out. ALL of my friends had been chosen, all excited at the responsibility and respect and heir-arch that comes with it, which put salt into the already bleeding wound in my heart. I was not a prefect. I had not won an award at prizegiving(again). I was not clever. I was not arty. I was not musical. I was not sporty. I was not popular. I was not successful. I would like the thank the school for helping me to realise what a failure I am, and for bringing down my self esteem so much that I do not want to leave my house. Cheers.
Autism affects every single person in a different way – that is what makes it so hard to understand. But just because we are different, stand out, behave “abnormally”, are a rainbow in a black and white world, does NOT mean we should be disregarded and labelled as “fragile” or “not up for the job”. I am not saying this is the reason why I was not chosen, I am sure the school have a very good reason and I completely 100% respect that, but there is in no doubt it came into consideration. We feel things very strongly, and be calling names out like that publicly and not warning me that I was not chosen and allowing me to walk into a room filled with hope and happiness and walk out crushed, was cruel. I am sure it was not meant in this way, but it came across as this.
So please, do not disregard people like me. We are some of the most dedicated, focused, determined, brave people you will meet. When we start something, we put out heart into it. We come up with unique ideas and understand the struggle to fit in or start secondary school. We are (almost) always on time. And we are people too, with feelings.

Parents
  • Jessica, you sound such a wonderful, articulate and creative young lady.  Those badges given out in school are not sufficient reward for the struggles you have overcome. Maybe you could forward your message to the SENCO at your school and they might think more carefully about rewarding a broader range of pupils in future.  I have a daughter who is 12 and she is on her own journey. I wish you all the best because that’s what you deserve x 

Reply
  • Jessica, you sound such a wonderful, articulate and creative young lady.  Those badges given out in school are not sufficient reward for the struggles you have overcome. Maybe you could forward your message to the SENCO at your school and they might think more carefully about rewarding a broader range of pupils in future.  I have a daughter who is 12 and she is on her own journey. I wish you all the best because that’s what you deserve x 

Children
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