"Fixing" our "undesirable traits"

I have literally felt exhausted over the last few years due to pressure put on me to conform and "fix" my behavioural aspects that don't conform to those of a NT person. It seems that people either know very little about autism or just don't recognise it within me. Whatever the case, I find that my quirky, somewhat abnormal behavioural traits are not tolerated and are seen as really undesirable, but the worst part is that they're seen to be my own fault.

Everyone, it seems, believes that any slightly aggressive or abrupt utterances from me are due to "unresolved conflict" from the past. I actually have done a lot of work on myself and have had years of therapy, but I think there comes a point where I need to be accepted for who I am. Does anyone else have this problem?

I'm not trying to make excuses. We all need to work at our weaknesses and on improving ourselves, and I have worked hard at mine, but I feel it's hard enough being different and having to manage all my emotions and sensitivities without having people blaming me for them on top of this.

A NT people may need to get out of a crowd due to some traumatic experience they'd had in the past, but when someone with autism needs to get out of a crowd, they just need to get out because they feel crowded in and claustrophobic. An autistic person's need for space isn't to my mind something that needs to be corrected, or even can be, it's just a fact that they will feel that way. I'm sure there are many more examples, but this is the first one that comes to mind. Agreed, we can work on our anxiety perhaps. but I really object to having to conform to the norms of NT people just because they don't understand us.

Parents
  • No matter how many people want you to mask your traits just don’t do it. When I tried to do it I had autistic burnout and shutdowns. Trying to hide it may work for a short period of time but for me it began to kill me inside and Tear me up. It’s not worth the pain.

    I just hang around with my Aspergers friend as I can release most of my true personality in front of him.

Reply
  • No matter how many people want you to mask your traits just don’t do it. When I tried to do it I had autistic burnout and shutdowns. Trying to hide it may work for a short period of time but for me it began to kill me inside and Tear me up. It’s not worth the pain.

    I just hang around with my Aspergers friend as I can release most of my true personality in front of him.

Children
  • I second that. I spent years trying to "push through it", be strong and fight against the desire to run away from crowds, the panic induced by 100 people making noise all at once and my crazy brain trying to process the whole lot simultaneously, the exhaustion from trying to be normal (whatever that is supposed to be), and in the end it made me pretty ill. Will is right, you might manage it for a while, then you will burn out.

    Be kind to yourself, you know who you are and sometimes it's best just to be you!

  • Thanks Will! I'm a great believer of us being who we are :))