My girlfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years, we are engaged and in December she was diagnosed with autism, high-functioning. She was 28 at time of diagnosis which hasn’t helped.
I am a ‘neurotypical’ and I am trying to understand why she does certain things and sometimes I know I don’t react in the best way I possibly could, which is why I am turning to this site, in hope that there may be other partners out there that have coping strategies or can just help me to be better for her because currently it is quite lonely and sad and I feel like I’m suffocating a bit. It’s a heavy weight.
I am reading ‘An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis’ by Gillian Drew in an attempt to be more understanding.
I work away quite a bit as a Tour Manager, for musicians, which can make coping more difficult. For both of us. In August, I will be travelling around America for almost 7 weeks. Currently, I have been in Scotland for just ONE week and we have had an ‘autistic incident’. I don’t know how to refer to it, so apologies if I offend anyone.
Emotions when touring are tenfold.
Also, sometimes, when I return from a tour; it feels like I’m out of her routine a bit and she needs to readjust to my being there, which can be upsetting.
If there are any books to be recommended, or other sites, I’d be truly grateful.
Thank you in advance.
I am nt (sort of!) and my partner is undiagnosed asd we have been together for 10 years, it has been bumpy I won't lie! But finding a strategy that works for both of you is key.
For us it was understanding that he can't process the chaos of the house with the kids when he gets back from work he needs time to process the stress of dealing with the day! So we set him up a room that is his man cave, he has TV, music and computer as well as his hobbies there which help him calm down. If the door is closed don't bother him if it is open he is ok to talk.
Sometimes he needs to unload and he will get very angry we used to argue alot when he got like that but I stopped arguing back (most of the time) and just let him shout as it's not me he is mad at it is just life so he vents and then calms down.
You need to figure out what will work for you
Thank you for your reply, which is really helpful. The ‘I stopped arguing back (most of the time)’ makes me feel better because it shows that sometimes it’s not always going to be easy for me/you to let things go.
It is very new to us still and once we had the diagnosis, that was it. No follow up support. Just, here you go, now get on with it.
Thanks again and I wish you all the best.