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Onset of Loneliness since diagnosis.

Blackbird

Anybody else start to feel lonely for first time after diagnosis? Before my DX for autism and ADD I was OK with being alone, there are lot's of reasons why this is preferable but a major one is low self-esteem on account of a lifetime of screw-ups-and my inability to learn much from them. I am not absolving myself of guilt but now believe that given the state of my brain particularly the way it scrambles what I hear from people and what I understand about what is going on around me, it is not any kind of surprise at all that I should have amounted to so little.

All that being said, I am still just as screwed up and just as much hard work for others as before but as my new-found knowledge sinks in slowly,I feel less like a total waste of space and should really try to go out into the world a bit more and meet people-the trouble is that I have lived this way for so long I would not know where to start. Whenever I do try to chat to strangers, I only ever seem to get monosyllabic responses-if at all, it's almost as if I have the mark of Cain upon me ( I did write "Kane" originally-I've been having a lot of heretical and treasonous thoughts about Harry Kane  and his future at Spurs recently!)  The tension l experience with proximity to others probably shows itself in some way and I imagine they think I may be a psychopath struggling to control his killing urges. I have no small talk and I don't like looking people in the eye-or rather them looking me in the eye.

With all of that-plus a whole lot more I haven't even touched upon here I think you could forgive me for not holding out much hope of progress and I now feel officially "Lonely" for the first time ever and it sucks because there is nothing I can think of to break out of this hole. Despite knowing that I would still like to connect with people, hopefully some of those who know about the conditions and can be tolerant and understanding. Taking everything into account, I'd have to truly BE from another planet instead of just thinking that I do to seriously expect that anything like that could possibly happen.

Parents

  • Hi Blackbird

    Sorry that you are feeling 'down' and isolated right now.  I am glad you have felt able to reach out here, on the forum.  For me it has afforded me the ability to feel much less isolated amongst a community others who have each experienced in their own way the rollercoaster life and a life as an aspie "outsider".

    For me, my isolation is self-imposed as a means of re-balancing, re-calibrating or just feeling vulnerable so I hide myself away in my own "safe place".... but also just simply is due to having a life time of feeling like a seperate being from others (not just fitting in - or not always have the emotional, mental etc resilience to pass 100% of the time) that I have accepted that I don't fit and am too exhausted at times (or just non-committal) to tray and fit in.  :)

    It takes time for others to understand us. I find it difficult to articulate who I am and my needs or what I find challenging and am probably perceived too much of a challenge to "work out" by others.

    My ASC marks me as separate, my interests also do the same as well as my achievements. 

    Self care is key, you have had your diagnosis and it can knock one for six as gives cause to reframe and reexamine what has come before.  Diagnosis or not, you are still wonderfully you and you have worth. 

Reply

  • Hi Blackbird

    Sorry that you are feeling 'down' and isolated right now.  I am glad you have felt able to reach out here, on the forum.  For me it has afforded me the ability to feel much less isolated amongst a community others who have each experienced in their own way the rollercoaster life and a life as an aspie "outsider".

    For me, my isolation is self-imposed as a means of re-balancing, re-calibrating or just feeling vulnerable so I hide myself away in my own "safe place".... but also just simply is due to having a life time of feeling like a seperate being from others (not just fitting in - or not always have the emotional, mental etc resilience to pass 100% of the time) that I have accepted that I don't fit and am too exhausted at times (or just non-committal) to tray and fit in.  :)

    It takes time for others to understand us. I find it difficult to articulate who I am and my needs or what I find challenging and am probably perceived too much of a challenge to "work out" by others.

    My ASC marks me as separate, my interests also do the same as well as my achievements. 

    Self care is key, you have had your diagnosis and it can knock one for six as gives cause to reframe and reexamine what has come before.  Diagnosis or not, you are still wonderfully you and you have worth. 

Children
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