When he was 6 years old he moved with his family from the north west of England to a little village in Snowdonia in Wales. There he spent his childhood relatively happily, among the mountains, rivers, lakes, farmers' fields, horses and rain.
Upon reaching secondary school he became disliked by his fellow pupils and after a prolonged bout of unpleasantness and deceit he stopped going at the age of 15.
His father was not keen on him and psychologically deconstructed and abused him for the next few years. His mental health grew worse and in the intervening years he stayed in four mental hospitals, and three times attempted to run away to another country to start over, with some fantastic dreams in his chest propelling him.
Though he managed to get somewhere to live after much effort, he always had frightening and bigoted neighbours, some of whom despised him for being a quiet and cultured man. After drinking heavily for some years in order to anaesthetise himself against the cold environment about him he fell in love also several times, and on each occasion it was with a nurse, a doctor, a care worker, et cetera, and he was naturally balked.
Then one day a miracle happened. It was 11.11 a.m. when the letterbox sounded and the psychotherapist he had fell in love with some months previously had sent him a letter requesting he meet her; at length she admitted to herself she loved him too. So they began a passionate and illicit love affair. They wandered amid the sand dunes and the natterjack toads, while they digested the remains of their venision and juniper berry stew in their bellies.
While she studied his brain he mastered the art of Indian cookery and fed her aubergines, fennel seeds and lentils. Her laugh was uproarious and so it was decided they would name their child Jolly Jape. They walked down the street hand in hand unless it became clammy and sweaty, at which point an interval occurred, and then even just being in the vicinity of one another made them both breathless.
They opened a restaurant called UFO (unidentified frying object) where only one meal was on the menu. It was a different soup or stew each day and it became a renowned eatery visited from far and wide and much lauded and vaulted. Instead of the usual table and chair layout they had long, thin tables with benches, of a manner one might consider more Asian, in order to encourage lone diners. This seemed to redeem itself financially as their restaurant had the aura of less stigma for the solitary gobbler.