I'm new here. It's taken me a while to sign up but hoping someone could offer some advice.
I'm in my thirties and just started a new career. It's a very social environment, a lot of comaraderie and a lot of situations where I will be working closely with another person. This is one of my biggest fears as I struggle massively with socialising. I have struggled since childhood and would usually turn mute when there were people around who I did not class as a friend. Also struggle talking to family members. I feel like I don't know who I am, my personality feels skewed and I end each day telling myself that I will act better tomorrow and people will start to talk to me if I act a certain way. Being around people tires me out, I relish time alone and have been known to sit in toilets just to be alone or walk another way in the street if I see people I know (even though they wouldn't talk to me).
I have not been diagnosed with Asperger's, I have been diagnosed previously with OCD and Depression. Not sure how to go about getting a diagnosis and also petrified that it will ruin my career. I'm not even sure I have Asperger's, maybe I'm just awkward? How important is a diagnosis?
Thanks for the response. I took a test yesterday and received a score of 37 out of 50, I think the borderline was 33 but I see people saying that these should not be taken as gospel. Took it again today and got 33.
I do think something is amiss as I'm constantly questioning why I am how I am, trying to act like someone else, I'm quite short tempered nowadays too which has only started happening within the last few years. Just really sick and tired of being me, want to be normal like everyone else but just can't. Have zero friends and unable to make any new ones (didn't have many to begin with anyway) but at the same time I hate being around people.
Sorry for the rant. Just fed up.