Published on 12, July, 2020
(This thread follows on from Discovery 1 - Realisation)
I am verbally fluent with a wide vocabulary and excellent written language skills. I don't take everything literally. I understand humour, irony, metaphors. My grammar skills and reading comprehension have always been excellent. I understand that other people have unique thoughts and ideas. I can "do" eye contact. I have taught English as a second language.
Does that sound autistic? Or neurotypical?
The following information about NT communication is from the book "A Field guide to Earthlings" by Ian Ford:-
NT communication is made up of:
- Chemistry
- Body Language
- Facial expressions
- Words used to convey identity or feelings
- Words used to convey information
It is said that 80% of communication is non verbal.
The primary (underlying, not literal) messages in an NT conversation could be "we are in the same group", "we are in different groups" or " I am higher (or lower) than you in our group ". These messages reinforce one's identity as a member of a group and create bonding between people who share a group identity.
During small talk, people try to find out the identity of others, without 'taking a stand' or being controversial. Small talk is not pointless, it is active discovery.
There is little calculated thought when NT communication is fast & fluid.
NTs may make inferences based on internal associations. The World Wildlife fund logo is a panda. If you tell one of their representatives "I don't like pandas" they may infer you don't like the world wildlife fund.
The difficulties I experience include:
Sometimes speaking too loudly or too fast
Delivering monologues about a favourite topic
Having difficulty interpreting lies, deception & mischief
Sometimes being interpreted as being too blunt or insensitive
Sometimes being unsure whether others have meant to be rude or unkind to me
Having to plan what to say and then replaying it over and over in my head afterwards
Difficulty understanding a verbal message if stressed or upset
Can be distracted by associations cued by dialogue with others.
The above problems are all autistic problems, which I used to think were caused by me being too sensitive, or other people being unkind. I also thought I was ok at small talk (even though I can find it a bit boring) but now I see that my small talk is just a habit to fit in, and that I try to choose subjects which are a bit of interest to me. Luckily I am quite interested in the weather!
Pixiefox said:I also thought I was ok at small talk (even though I can find it a bit boring) but now I see that my small talk is just a habit to fit in, and that I try to choose subjects which are a bit of interest to me. Luckily I am quite interested in the weather!
This just makes me
Do you find small talk easy or difficult depending on the situation? I was at an event today by myself with people I'd never met before. At lunch break it was social time! I was invited to sit with a group and didn't want to be anti social sp joined them. They were so down to earth but I found myself struggling. To the point where I think they could hear my cogs whirring while I was trying to choose what to say! My mind was BLANK. I had no idea how long the break was going to be for either.
In other situations I can do ok. I think it depends how in control I am, whether its structured "getting to know you" time or more fluid informal stuff and whether I'm eating and how long we have to do it for!