Published on 12, July, 2020
(This thread follows on from Discovery 1 - Realisation)
I am verbally fluent with a wide vocabulary and excellent written language skills. I don't take everything literally. I understand humour, irony, metaphors. My grammar skills and reading comprehension have always been excellent. I understand that other people have unique thoughts and ideas. I can "do" eye contact. I have taught English as a second language.
Does that sound autistic? Or neurotypical?
The following information about NT communication is from the book "A Field guide to Earthlings" by Ian Ford:-
NT communication is made up of:
- Chemistry
- Body Language
- Facial expressions
- Words used to convey identity or feelings
- Words used to convey information
It is said that 80% of communication is non verbal.
The primary (underlying, not literal) messages in an NT conversation could be "we are in the same group", "we are in different groups" or " I am higher (or lower) than you in our group ". These messages reinforce one's identity as a member of a group and create bonding between people who share a group identity.
During small talk, people try to find out the identity of others, without 'taking a stand' or being controversial. Small talk is not pointless, it is active discovery.
There is little calculated thought when NT communication is fast & fluid.
NTs may make inferences based on internal associations. The World Wildlife fund logo is a panda. If you tell one of their representatives "I don't like pandas" they may infer you don't like the world wildlife fund.
The difficulties I experience include:
Sometimes speaking too loudly or too fast
Delivering monologues about a favourite topic
Having difficulty interpreting lies, deception & mischief
Sometimes being interpreted as being too blunt or insensitive
Sometimes being unsure whether others have meant to be rude or unkind to me
Having to plan what to say and then replaying it over and over in my head afterwards
Difficulty understanding a verbal message if stressed or upset
Can be distracted by associations cued by dialogue with others.
The above problems are all autistic problems, which I used to think were caused by me being too sensitive, or other people being unkind. I also thought I was ok at small talk (even though I can find it a bit boring) but now I see that my small talk is just a habit to fit in, and that I try to choose subjects which are a bit of interest to me. Luckily I am quite interested in the weather!
...Greetings. I was just passing... and as so often happens I see something unexpected...
Pixiefox said:NTs may make inferences based on internal associations. The World Wildlife fund logo is a panda. If you tell one of their representatives "I don't like pandas" they may infer you don't like the world wildlife fund.
This is SO totally one of the main troubles which I also have! Good on Yourself, Pixiefox, for putting that! I might provide my own examples later, but meantime, I am still 'just passing'... Good Thread, Yes!
(I am pretty good at "picking up non-verbal cues", though. I know a bored or hostile, or interested face/body language quite well. I also know the tight "poker face" of trying not to grin or laugh at me, and the actions of being surrounded or "included in a conversation". But all of that is different discussions...)