Discovery 1 - Realisation

Deckard: She doesn't know?!
Tyrell: She's beginning to suspect, I think.
Deckard: Suspect? How can it not know what it is?

Rachel was a replicant, a manufactured being identical in nearly every way to a human. Memories of a past and a childhood she never had were implanted into her mind. She wasn't told by her maker that she was not human. Then she met a man who was employed to kill others of her kind who became unbalanced and dangerous, and he confirmed what she had begun to suspect.

When I found out I was an Aspie, it felt like something had been kept from me. My past life before that realisation now feels like the implanted memories of someone else's life. How could I not know what I was? Since then I have researched, mused, puzzled & cross-referenced and it's starting to become clearer. 

The main thing that has puzzled me has been "communication problems" . I really thought I was a good communicator. But it's much more nuanced and complicated than I thought. I'm going to keep this post fairly short so others can respond and share their thoughts and feelings at the point of " realisation" . So I will start another discussion thread called "Discovery 2 - Let's talk about communication"

Parents
  • When I found out I was an Aspie, it felt like something had been kept from me. My past life before that realisation now feels like the implanted memories of someone else's life. How could I not know what I was? Since then I have researched, mused, puzzled & cross-referenced and it's starting to become clearer. 

    Yes, I'm the same.  Since my diagnosis, it's like I've become a different person.  I'm more settled in myself and take better care of myself.  I'm more forgiving of myself.  I've also allowed my true autistic self to take control.  This has had the dual effect of making me feel different in another way, though.  I now can't help but to see the world as 'me' and 'them', meaning NTs.  I'm a human being like everyone else, I know.  But I just feel apart, like I was born with a different set of equipment needed to pass myself off as anything other than odd.  I like my 'oddity'.  But a part of me would still like to feel included, and I can't help but say that my autism has taken that away from me.  I suppose it's an inevitable part of any diagnosis like this.  It colours the way you look at the world forever afterwards.

  • "I'm more settled in myself and take better care of myself. I'm more forgiving of myself". Yes I agree with this. Altho no formal diagnosis now I am aware, I don't chew myself up about things so much while it's happening. I'm learning to try to be in the present moment more during interactions even if they are not going too well! This is a process but I'm practising!

Reply
  • "I'm more settled in myself and take better care of myself. I'm more forgiving of myself". Yes I agree with this. Altho no formal diagnosis now I am aware, I don't chew myself up about things so much while it's happening. I'm learning to try to be in the present moment more during interactions even if they are not going too well! This is a process but I'm practising!

Children
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