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Discovery 1 - Realisation

Lotus

Deckard: She doesn't know?!
Tyrell: She's beginning to suspect, I think.
Deckard: Suspect? How can it not know what it is?

Rachel was a replicant, a manufactured being identical in nearly every way to a human. Memories of a past and a childhood she never had were implanted into her mind. She wasn't told by her maker that she was not human. Then she met a man who was employed to kill others of her kind who became unbalanced and dangerous, and he confirmed what she had begun to suspect.

When I found out I was an Aspie, it felt like something had been kept from me. My past life before that realisation now feels like the implanted memories of someone else's life. How could I not know what I was? Since then I have researched, mused, puzzled & cross-referenced and it's starting to become clearer. 

The main thing that has puzzled me has been "communication problems" . I really thought I was a good communicator. But it's much more nuanced and complicated than I thought. I'm going to keep this post fairly short so others can respond and share their thoughts and feelings at the point of " realisation" . So I will start another discussion thread called "Discovery 2 - Let's talk about communication"

Parents

  • I’ve always felt different. Like I was in an invisible box filled with vacuum. Not even sound could get out. What I was hearing and seeing I realise now was distorted by the box. Cue the song “I want to break free!” 

    I thought decades ago that a psychiatrist could help me, like they did on tv and films. How naive! We didn’t even seem to speak the same language! 

    I acquired other people’s characteristics, like a patchwork quilter making a bedspread. Didn’t really know what I was at all. 

    Met another young girl who was very friendly with me who said she had been judged as autistic. I just said “Don’t worry about it. You seem ok to me.” That was back in 1970s. Didn’t realise we were actually both in the same invisible box!

    Then gradually one or two other people joined us in that box. It became a room. It was no longer just an empty vacuum. And it had a door. 

    Now, I understand. Sort of worked it out decades ago, but got laughed at. My diagnosis just confirms I am not crazy. 

Reply

  • I’ve always felt different. Like I was in an invisible box filled with vacuum. Not even sound could get out. What I was hearing and seeing I realise now was distorted by the box. Cue the song “I want to break free!” 

    I thought decades ago that a psychiatrist could help me, like they did on tv and films. How naive! We didn’t even seem to speak the same language! 

    I acquired other people’s characteristics, like a patchwork quilter making a bedspread. Didn’t really know what I was at all. 

    Met another young girl who was very friendly with me who said she had been judged as autistic. I just said “Don’t worry about it. You seem ok to me.” That was back in 1970s. Didn’t realise we were actually both in the same invisible box!

    Then gradually one or two other people joined us in that box. It became a room. It was no longer just an empty vacuum. And it had a door. 

    Now, I understand. Sort of worked it out decades ago, but got laughed at. My diagnosis just confirms I am not crazy. 

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