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Any adults get support from the council?

TedP

Hi,

I'm 53, I've spent ten years with depression and anxiety, and three months ago, got a diagnosis of ASD.

I do well on IQ tests, have got good verbal skills, but I seem to be typically autistic in being single, childless, jobless, and lonely.

I spend most of my life in bed, only go out for supplies, neglect myself and can't get any chores done.

Having doubted my sanity for many years, and blamed myself for my failures, I'm happy now to find that I have a disability, and I want it to be recognised.

I've contacted my local council, and after a lengthy delay, I've been put in touch with Learning Difficulty Support, who are taking their time in assessing if they can provide me with support.

I've spoken on the phone twice, and they want to know what support I want, and this is where it gets tricky.

I actually do need help in sorting myself out, and my home, and I need help to go out, and mix with people.

But I'll be embarrassed to receive any help, and aware that there are more profoundly disabled people who need state help.

Plus, part of me is very clever, and I don't know what they'll make of that when their typical clients have IQs below 70.

After a lifetime of masking my autism, unaware that I even had it, I probably come across as if nothing's wrong.

So, I don't know what to do, what to ask for, or whether the council should support me through a different department.

I need someone on hand for when things go awry, as they did this winter with my state benefits, and I had to deal with it all alone.

As well as having a clever streak, I think I actually am learning disabled, as I've flunked a couple of degrees, as I have to process information differently, and can't produce the academic work required.

Anyone had a similar experience?

Thanks.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Hi TedP, Have you considered contacting an advocacy service locally? They may be able to support you with articulating your needs to social work about the kinds of support you feel would be beneficial? It may be helpful for you to put your needs, suggestions etc in writing for an advocate if it is difficult to think on the spot. They can then help you to speak with social work during assessments etc. I know that I can find it difficult when I am asked a question and I have no idea what the answer might be and sometimes just speaking it over with another person can help. You need to be really clear about how your ASD is impacting on your life and what you can do but also what you cannot do. Hope this is a bit helpful and that you do get the support you need.

  • PiP? Specifically for domestic help and some support getting out and about?

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    Actually, I can identify with that one.  Why do services get so frustrated if you can't answer: "So, what do you want?"  Surely, they should state what they can and can't do and then discuss how the things they can do could help.

  • in reply to TedP

    Sounds like you need some company, but if your own kind. How about seeing if there is an autism support group near you where you can meet other aspies?

  • Sounds like me exactly. Achieved a lot but now all gone wrong, can’t stop feeling a failure and suicidal. No one except other Aspies seem to understand 

  • in reply to Lotus

    Hi Pixiefox,

    I probably need the help that I'd ideally get from a partner, or family member.

    Home-wise, I'm a readymealarian, but chores are a problem. Someone to stand nearby, while I do them would help.

    I really need to deal with my agoraphobia, and fear of groups, so I can function in society a bit. Maybe the council could help, but I think I'd find it really embarrassing to interact with someone.

    And yes, the benefit problem. The DWP want me dead, and I've had to deal with it alone.

    I don't know if I'll ever work. Despite liking people, I'm really uncomfortable around them.

    And I can't self discipline or time manage.

    Ho hum. So much to do, and I'm in a rut.

    Maybe I'll have some luck Thinking

    Bit of a mess, otherwise.

    Thanks for the advice x

  • Hi Ted. I'm lucky that I have a partner and can manage to work part time so that keeps me in a routine and having someone who can help me, and who I can help too sometimes. But I do understand your dilemma. It's actually possible that you are more intelligent than your carers would be, and it's hard to accept help, particularly from people we don't know.

    if you can phone the council to discuss this and did manage to sort out your benefits (which is tricky for practically everyone) perhaps you are underestimating yourself? 

    I have no idea what help you could get, so I'll imagine what it might be and how it might affect you.

    A "home help" or whatever they're called now. I believe they assist with cleaning the home, doing laundry & help with personal care if required. Would you be comfortable with any of that?

     "Meals on wheels" for people who cannot cook for themselves. Is this a problem you have?

    Assistance with claiming benefits, and /or finding work and supporting you in the workp!ace. Can you work? Do you want to? Would you feel better having an advocate when dealing with benefits staff?

    Travel assistance - a free bus pass maybe? 

    While you're waiting for disability support to get back to you, maybe you could write a list of what you want and what you could do for yourself. Then try to get into a routine - making a timetable for things like taking a shower each day, setting certain days for shopping, ckeaning, laundry etc. Plus planning time slots for things you enjoy - tv, gaming, reading, etc. Try to get out for a short walk every day & get into a routine.

    Hope it works out.

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    Thanks, Rip.

    I thought I'd have a whinge while I was here.

    I think you've confirmed my predicament.

    1) Yes, I want help.

    and, 2) No, I don't want help.

    My metabolism will pack in if I lie here much longer.

    Cheers Rolling eyes

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    Anyone else, can the council/nhs help? If so, how do they help you? 

  • in reply to TedP

    Yes TedP. It’s an autism forum. I totally identify with what you communicate so well. I don’t know how to even say that I agree entirely that I have always known I need support or help, but haven’t a clue what form that help should be in. I phoned the mental health emergency clinic decades ago. The lady said simply “how can we help you?” I was flummoxed, because if I knew what help I needed I felt I would be able to do it for myself!!!! That was exactly why I rang. I actually was desperate because I didn’t know how to help myself. 

    Now I don’t know how anyone can help me at all. So I just muddle through. I know this is not much help, or an answer to your question, but that is why I hadn’t responded earlier. Hash tag me too usually belongs on Twitter, but I genuinely have the same perplexation! 

  • I must be autistic if I can even be socially inept on an autism forum.

    I hope it's an autism forum.

    Let me know if it isn't.