Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a married UK male in my early 60s, who has lived abroad for many years. Diagnosed Asperger's just two years ago. Although I figured it out for myself, two years before my diagnosis in the UK. I have a very limited number of friends, not so surprisingly. :-) It's a lonely existence. My partner does not wish to discuss the matter. You might say it is a taboo subject, locally.
I have previously had a couple of online mentors, and it was certainly helpful and interesting to both sides. One was a much younger European person living fairly locally. That was actually done by social networking chat, but our contact details were anonymous. It worked out fine, but all good things come to an end. I felt we had both said just about everything we could say, and to have taken it any further might have broken the anonymity and been a security risk to us both. The other mentor was a former medical researcher in his 90s, and I contacted him by email to cooperate with him over his contributions to a certain (rather esoteric) forum. The online cooperation was obviously quite beneficial to us both, But he eventually learned that I had been diagnosed; and he then admitted that his former colleagues had often opined that he might well be autistic himself, given his rather obsessive style. But he had never been inclined to take their opinions seriously, or take any action over it. Well, that communication lasted for some years, but it stopped a couple of months ago, and I eventually found his obituary. Again, that is life!
The thing is, when I have been in the UK lately, some relatives have been quite thoughtful on the matter, but I mostly get the impression that no one is really interested. And here it is the same. Even local medical professionals would prefer to ignore the issue completely. I would thus say that being a neuro-diverse expat senior here is politically incorrect.
Perhaps though it would just be so much easier to be a bit more active on this forum in future. And thus make more than one online friend at a time.
Also, you can start your own blog to share your experience according to your profession like a toilet blog. By doing this not only you can spend your time but also make money if you able to get lots of visitors.
I strongly doubt that this forum is really a good opportunity to strike up an online friendship. Although I can see all the difficulties in distant mentorship, my previous experience of it was really quite productive. My last communication of this sort was with a former scientist, and our communication ranged quite far-and-wide. Certainly there were obsessions on both sides, but we had quite a few in common too. I found some of his opinions on current lifestyle quite reactionary, but later noted that many of those opinions were actually quite coherent in a scientific sense.
But send me a PM if you have an comments on this thread with which you prefer to be more direct. Be as brief as you like. I prefer a fairly high degree of anonymity, as the country I am living in does not suffer misfits gladly. Also I have people in the UK who either still know nothing about my condition (and who probably never will), or who mostly would rather not talk about it at all. I also have people here who refuse to discuss the matter at all.
I suppose the big question really is how do you handle other people's intensity, honesty, solitariness and passions. You definitely don't actually have to answer that here at all, but you might want to ask yourself; although perhaps you have already answered yourself sufficiently.
I live in a country that prides itself on its sociability; whereas I personally find most of the local banter very light-hearted, care-free to the point of extreme carelessness and very uncommunicative. (Most socialising in this culture now seems to revolve around appeasing the wrath of more powerful people, or making sure those same folks do nothing to upset your own simple life. My interests equal extreme boredom for most locals. But I'm quite good at sitting through a lot of boring social functions with an expression that looks like interest, I just feel more-and more alienated here by the year, It's a very agrarian society, but fast becoming a bit of an urban hell.
I had a very rural background in the UK. I can do light-hearted in the UK, in both the rural and urban sense, and even enjoy it. I suppose my real interests are quite intense. My honesty isn't so much brutal as inappropriate. And I suppose if there is anything like passion, it is more about such things as the environment, music, literature and art, but not much about people. Heroes are rare, but not unknown, though. I have a rather passive interest in the above subjects. In trying so ineptly for many years to have a good career, I have completely neglected creativity for decades. I sort of day-dream that I might suddenly start to do more creative stuff in my later years, but the necessary motivation just never seems to arrive. I have lost all desire to be a performer in public, but it seems more solitary skills still come quite easily. Wood is a long-term fascination, but the environmental degradation here means that it is always in short supply. I would probably be better off in the UK, involved in something like the 'shed' movement, or a volunteer organisation of some kind.
I'm a fairly online kind of person, having done more than one qualification by distance education, complete with lots of social media doo-dahs. It would actually make a nice change to have a bit of face-to-face contact, but it is unlikely to happen anytime soon. Sure forums are useful, but I find one-on-one messaging (with a high degree of anonymity) is more insightful. but I also realise, on the rare occasions when I'm back in the UK, how much I've been missing F2F friendship.
Hello, 60 yr female. Friendless too. I just can’t manage it or should I say others can’t? Intense, brutally honest, solitary, passion is stone sculpture. I can do the social fairy bit but now being older don’t want to play that anymore. I crave intellectual, honest, humorous conversation but most people want to talk about things I view as inconsequential compared to serious issues and real depth of communication.
That in itself is a demanding ask. But it makes for some of us isolated as people can only take so much intellect from our diverse knowledge and know it all persona. My kids refer to me as a walking encyclopaedia..lol but most people just find me too much and tolerate me and I can feel it.
i function on a superficial level with people and wish I had just one person who got me, took time to understand my weirdness and let me be me with them.
Online I have tried, and just don’t find it emotionally links me to the real world, real face to face talking. Love tech but it is something people hide behind as I have found out.
support for us silver aspie’s is very poor...but here there is a tribe of us.
No need to make a friend. Just engage with forum post :)
Big thanks for the welcome! Although I should just say that I've been using this site for more than 3 years already. Admittedly I haven't been very active on the site for the last year, as you might say there are times when I find its relevance to my situation a bit limited, seeing as I haven't really lived in the UK for almost 3 decades. So no vote and no NHS for me. My diagnosis was done in the UK, but outside the NHS system; although done by a clinician who does many NHS referrals. A further complication is that my acceptance/rejection of my condition is still very much a daily cycle; although by the end of day, it always becomes acceptance. Basically, the whole subject is taboo in the country where I live, so there is no support available. In a way, I can deal with that; but it is a bit of a lonely existence
well hello and welcome!