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Identified as autistic....so what next? How can I deal with my intense emotion?

NAS39242

Hello everyone

Just after a little bit of advice or experience really...

I have just turned 40 and after many years struggling with my mental health, masking my true self and feeling like a complete an utter failure at life, I have come to the conclusion that I am autistic. I doubt this often, as I dont think I fall in to the traditional autistic box.  However, my severe social anxiety and sensory issues seem to say otherwise.   Ive been doing a lot of reading and have found books, anecdotes, videos etc that I identify with and say 'yes it me'. It was always the 'autistic people have no empathy' that was a sticking point for me as I have empathy (well what i believe to be empathy) in bucket loads, I feel the emotions of others too much and that is what is affecting me the most mentally.  I can be in a good place but talking to someone else (or even hearing someone) who is angry or sad can flip me over the edge.  I struggle with how people can hurt one another and news stories etc can really effect my wellbeing. I also suffer every day with crippling guilt that I am a burden to those that love me, no good for my children and am not the person I want to be.   

Anyway, my question is 'what now...?' I am unsure if diagnosis is the way I want to proceed as the social aspect of all of that makes me shudder!  However, if I have identified that this is me, is there anything I can do to help myself deal with my intense emotions?  The thought of counselling or similar fills me with dread as having a person looking at just me is a massive anxiety (I like to fade into the background).  But is this the only way, and at the end of the day, if my issues are part and parcel of my autism then surely nothing can change that.  DO i just need to accept this is who I am and that nothing is going to change? 

SOrry for the rambling, any comment would be much appreciated.

Thank you x 

  • Thanks so much everyone for your replies. It makes me feel like at least I'm not alone. I think I would like a diagnosis it's just the thought of the process fills me with dread and anxiety! I guess it's just taking that initial first step. I did mention it to my doctor a while ago, and she gave me details of a local autism service, however, didn't offer to make a referral. I guess it's.something you neen.to. just ask for. 

    Thanks again for your replies. It means alot.

    Xxxx

  • I've just turned 40 and Im coming to terms with the 'what now' as well. 

    I had an idea that something about me was different but I could never put a name to it. I always felt like I was failing at life too, as if everyone else had been born with a user manual for being human and I had misplaced my copy. Getting a diagnosis has at least proved I was at a disadvantage compared to everyone else. 

    As for empathy, my wife always complains that I don't show emotions, like if something sad happens in a movie I'd be sitting stone-faced while she's in tears. But its not that I don't feel emotions, they just seem to lie beneath the surface until I get overwhelmed and then it all spews forth. Its not a healthy way to do with it and maybe I need some expert advice on how to deal with that.