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Working out what you need after a life of suppressing

Fast_and_the_curious

Hi everyone, I thought I'd make a thread on how you started to discover what you really needed after getting a diagnosis or realising you are autistic.

For me, I feel like the last 6 weeks since my therapist suggested autism I have been getting "more" autistic and noticing things that I never noticed bothering me before. I have been reassuring myself I'm not crazy, not making it up, but simply allowing myself to really see what bothers me instead of dismissing the cause as ridiculous, because NT's don't seem to be bothered by it. 

Did any of you experience this? How did you deal with it? 

And further, how did you start to identify and address issues? Did you have to practice allowing yourself to stim? Did you start to work on undoing some of the "passing" behaviours you've developed? Or did you keep them? I think a lot of my anxiety issues are from suppressing the urge to do things that help me, or leave situations that stress me, but I'm not sure if I am making things worse by now allowing myself to leave instead of sticking a situation out. 

Discuss! Slight smile

Parents

  • For me, it was dropped in as an observation during a meeting last year that I may have a lifelong condition.  Upon opening up to friends/some colleagues it was clear that I had Autism/Asperger's.  I had the telephone interview and referral for further tests.

    I have done some background reading (fixation on my condition) and suddenly everything starts being put into place like a jigsaw.  My management/team would not recognise it until I had a diagnosis even though I had recognised Anxiety/Stress for the past 12-24 months.

    Identification of the issues got easier and I also saw myself proposing coping mechanisms all the time but Management do not want to be told they are wrong because I am not normal.

    I strangely stim a lot, when bored or focussed, with the "air drummer legs", finger tapping and probably other things I have still not realised.

    Other things have become clearer too, disruptive chit-chat with the cliquey "NT's" where I isolate myself even more.

    The situations that give me the greatest stress/anxiety is around the directing/dictating/bullying NT management that "know better than I do" but have proved the opposite:

    • Innovation - nobody is interested in your ideas but I have lots of recognition for them.
    • Tools/Process Help/Support, etc not valued/stop doing but everyone in the department still come to me first (or others come via IT recommendations.
    • System design/troubleshooting but there is no role for you to do that in the company (worldwide shortage of that skillset too)

    I have stuck it out for a year, mentally going through the floor, and have been off for nearly three months and they still do not get it.  

    All my life I have never suppressed something I did not know I had but I know I put up a front/mask as a kind of protection mechanism that the NT's think I am eccentric.  It has been fine for most of my 50 years until the current bullying manager (control freak "puppet master" who knows better NOT).

Reply

  • For me, it was dropped in as an observation during a meeting last year that I may have a lifelong condition.  Upon opening up to friends/some colleagues it was clear that I had Autism/Asperger's.  I had the telephone interview and referral for further tests.

    I have done some background reading (fixation on my condition) and suddenly everything starts being put into place like a jigsaw.  My management/team would not recognise it until I had a diagnosis even though I had recognised Anxiety/Stress for the past 12-24 months.

    Identification of the issues got easier and I also saw myself proposing coping mechanisms all the time but Management do not want to be told they are wrong because I am not normal.

    I strangely stim a lot, when bored or focussed, with the "air drummer legs", finger tapping and probably other things I have still not realised.

    Other things have become clearer too, disruptive chit-chat with the cliquey "NT's" where I isolate myself even more.

    The situations that give me the greatest stress/anxiety is around the directing/dictating/bullying NT management that "know better than I do" but have proved the opposite:

    • Innovation - nobody is interested in your ideas but I have lots of recognition for them.
    • Tools/Process Help/Support, etc not valued/stop doing but everyone in the department still come to me first (or others come via IT recommendations.
    • System design/troubleshooting but there is no role for you to do that in the company (worldwide shortage of that skillset too)

    I have stuck it out for a year, mentally going through the floor, and have been off for nearly three months and they still do not get it.  

    All my life I have never suppressed something I did not know I had but I know I put up a front/mask as a kind of protection mechanism that the NT's think I am eccentric.  It has been fine for most of my 50 years until the current bullying manager (control freak "puppet master" who knows better NOT).

Children
  • in reply to Eccentric1

    The majority of what you have said is in fact exactly how my life has been, only it wasn’t suggested or noted I could be autistic, I happened to stumble upon an article of a female who had realised she may just be as her young son was going through the process of diagnosis. She got a diagnosis as is now telling her story to highlight autism amongst females. Sadly often missed and seen as shy or just anxiety, 

    I call it my epiphany and sudden realisation of who I always had been .

    So about work , yes yes yes They use what I have to offer only when it suits them, but there is apparently no role for me other than carry on being paid a low wage but use my skills and ability to over come subjects out of my remit to their advantage. 

    Picking the meat off of a rather meaty bone, but only paying for the bone within.

    thank you for the wat you put across not only how you feel but no doubt countless others on here.

     Take care.