Hi all,
Recently things have been very tough for me. I have a lot of really tough mental health issues at the moment, and naturally I have felt this affect my ASD symptoms quite badly.
Everything seems to have gotten more sensitive/harder. Eye contact is much harder and I can’t make eye contact with a lot of people now even those I used to (I use “eye contact” to refer to looking at someone’s face, btw, because I’m so used to looking at people’s noses/mouths, and not in their eyes, that this feels like eye contact to me. When I say I can’t make “eye contact”, I mean that I can’t look anywhere near them, really).
Another thing that is much worse is sensitivity to things. Sound is the main one, as I am so easily distracted, and I will shut down if there are too many people talking, or too much noise, or a loud noise such as thunder or a machine or an alarm or something. (The fire alarm went off at school today and it was horrible). But texture also affects me, with clothes etc, and proximity (feeling too cramped or as if I am suffocating).
Also I’m having big problems with reacting to unplanned events, such as room changes at school, or events that I am only told about last minute, especially social events. I need to mentally prepare quite a lot for socialising, so when it is unplanned I feel very upset.
I’ve generally been a good masker (I’m not as much now, I rock in my chair, and I can’t help but cry a lot though that’s partly my mental health, and like I said, eye contact (or pretending) is too difficult for me now). Even now, despite it slipping through a little, I cannot express how overwhelmed I am when I am at work / at school / with family. So it ends up building up and I get very severe low points in the evenings quite frequently.
For example, yesterday I was rocking in my bed, and crying a lot, and was clutching onto my teddy (dont laugh I know I am too old for one but I need the comfort and the softness in order to sleep), and I was just pressing myself against the wall, and was nearly throwing up, and was hurting myself (I won’t go into too much detail, my aim isn’t to trigger anyone). It is horrible and intense, to have an outburst of emotions like that. That is the most extreme I’ve had for a while, but I am experiencing this build-up so frequently nowadays.
I just wondered if anyone else has had this sort of experience, and maybe if anyone has any tips for me? It is okay if not, but if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading. I hope you’re doing well.
Thank you
