Feeling lonely

Hi, I haven't been diagnosed yet, I struggle with depression and thoughts of what is the point of anything? Being isolated and marginalised because I'm different is hard. I don't use any social media like you, I find it boring and irrelevant, because I don't understand it. Social situations are confusing too, people talk a lot and say little. I struggle to make friends too, after an initial introduction it becomes quiet and awkward, because I don't know what to say and just walk away. Even when I use things that other people say to each other it doesn't get the same responses. Where I've met women, I mention the ASD, then they make an awkward 'oooook, well it was nice meeting you, but I have to go now.' I don't go out anymore, because people dont understand me, or I get confused a lot. I feel as if I'm a different species or I'm existing out of context or simply absent of context all together. Anytime I do manage to get chatting, they point out that it's meant to be a dialogue, not a monologue as if they hadn't made a word or something throughout. Pffft! Also dating is difficult, since that thing that has men falling to their knees, drooling and even fighting over beautiful women, I don't have it. I feel as if I'm missing out on so much. I don't understand the craze with bodies, I tend to be attracted to characteristics, personality traits and especially intelligence. I'm what you would call sapiosexual. People tend to become frustrated with me when I analyse everything to its atomic detail, but I feel that there is huge importance in the finer details, even though I can't actually stop focusing on them when I try, I always end up there. Things sometimes become to much out there and i need to withdraw and recover my energy before I lay down wherever I'm at and fall into sleep. These can be quite embarrassing when everybody is looking at me, as if I've just stepped onto their prize pumpkin or surrounding me with a barrage of questions like 'are you ok?' This annoys me so much, I'm just sleeping, now please leave me to recover. People are so inconsiderate, yet always telling me to consider how others view it. I think of others, I try hard to please others, but their minds and thoughts I can't seem to read. If they'd just verbalize their thoughts and feelings, I'd be able to understand.  I'm 42 now and want to talk with others with an ASD and see if there is any support out there for me. I'd sure love a coffee with someone, without being judged or treated like something that needed quarantined. 

I'm glad you've got your assessment and hope you can find support and people that understand you. I'd like this too, very much. 

Hi, yes I also wonder "what's the point?" sometimes (e.g. my post here). Also I've certainly experienced sapiosexual "crushes" many times - but I'm not exclusively sapiosexual (and now I'm tempted to write an essay on what I *do* find attractive but fear this will tip into Too Much Information :-) ).

NAS61829 said:

People are so inconsiderate, yet always telling me to consider how others view it

Spot on. Throughout the decades of bringing up children and conforming to the norm of being "enmeshed" in family relationships (with my own parents & extended family for e.g.) I always felt that I was being put under pressure to meet the needs of others, but no-one seemed to care about my needs. Whenever I expressed discontent with this, I was pretty much told that I was wrong.

Hi, yes I also wonder "what's the point?" sometimes (e.g. my post here). Also I've certainly experienced sapiosexual "crushes" many times - but I'm not exclusively sapiosexual (and now I'm tempted to write an essay on what I *do* find attractive but fear this will tip into Too Much Information :-) ).

NAS61829 said:

People are so inconsiderate, yet always telling me to consider how others view it

Spot on. Throughout the decades of bringing up children and conforming to the norm of being "enmeshed" in family relationships (with my own parents & extended family for e.g.) I always felt that I was being put under pressure to meet the needs of others, but no-one seemed to care about my needs. Whenever I expressed discontent with this, I was pretty much told that I was wrong.