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Does this sound like autism?

saganoren

Sorry if this isn’t the correct place/accepted thing to do. I’m very new to this forum! I’ve posted on a few different forums to get some opinions.

I’m a 24 year old female and thinking I might have autism. I’ve always struggled in life and I don’t really know where to start with explaining everything!


I’ve always always felt like an outsider, like I’m alone and just looking into everyone else’s social interactions. I’ve always had just one close friend at a time because I get so narrow minded that one is enough and I’ve got no energy to stretch to someone else.

The past few years have been hard, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but I feel like I’m in a permanent state of low level confusion. Like information is getting muddled between being in the world and then going to my brain. Because of this I make hundreds of lists reminding me to do things and lists of the order to do things. With this structure it stops me becoming so overwhelmed and also saves the hassle of me panicking that I’ve forgotten something.

Normal things like trips to the supermarket or going to work become such a chore because I’m so worried that something unexpected will come up (something as simple as not having a basket available) and I’ll panic and become very stressed. This feeling of being overwhelmed causes a feeling inside me of like a swarm of bees bubbling up from my stomach to my chest and getting higher and higher until I have that feeling in your throat when you know you’re going to cry.

I’m very sentimental, especially with my cuddly toys. I have a group of stuffed animals at the moment who instantly calm me down and they’re my friends in a way. They help me a lot and I’ve got stories and personalities for all of them. I’ve always had this attachment to stuffed animals and it would genuinely kill me if something happened to them. I have hundreds of photos of them on my phone.

Emotionally I’m very fragile, I’ve always been described as sensitive or highly strung. I cry a lot and have panic attacks when sometimes I don’t even know why. I don’t want to go on holidays or go travelling like everyone else my age because I can’t handle the unexpectedness of ‘lets just wing it and see how it goes’. I can’t play anything by ear.

Socially I always feel like I’m being watched in my social interactions and I’m always wondering what the right thing to do in a situation would be. Like someone is talking and I’m thinking ‘now would be the right time to smile’.

Okay that’s just a random ramble off the top of my head but if anyone has any insight/shared experiences, please let me know!

Thank you.

Parents

  • Hi saganoren,

    Lots of identification from me, too.

    Have you tried taking the AQ test?  It's not a diagnostic tool, but is specially formulated to help give an indication of the possibility of autism.  It's 50 questions, and doesn't take too long to do.  It's a standard pre-diagnosis test.   A score of 30 is usually the benchmark.  Above 32 is strongly suggestive of autism.

    It's here:

    AQ test

    Also, you might find this to be helpful.  It gives a long list of traits.  I found myself checking most of them - even though I'm male!  I was finally diagnosed 4 years ago, aged 56, after a lifetime of the kinds of issues you've mentioned.

    Aspiengirls: Moving Towards an Adult Female Profile of Autism/Asperger's Syndrome

  • in reply to Martian Tom

    Thank you for these resources, I scored 35 on the AQ test and it gave me a lot to think about. 

    The link is also interesting and definitely makes me think I need to be less hard on myself, especially regarding the employment aspect of it. Despite achieving a first class degree I’ve skipped from various minimum wage jobs just because any high pressure environment is not good for me emotionally.

Reply
  • in reply to Martian Tom

    Thank you for these resources, I scored 35 on the AQ test and it gave me a lot to think about. 

    The link is also interesting and definitely makes me think I need to be less hard on myself, especially regarding the employment aspect of it. Despite achieving a first class degree I’ve skipped from various minimum wage jobs just because any high pressure environment is not good for me emotionally.

Children
  • in reply to saganoren

    Ugh!  I think I'd either be inclined to tell the literal truth - I had a cup of tea and a sandwich, I had some beers, I sat and watched a movie, I did some writing, I read a book, I went to bed.

    Or I'd make a load of weird stuff up to see what kind of reaction that caused!  Let my imagination run wild... 

    When I was on Facebook, I sometimes used to make up daft fantasy posts just to see who was taking any notice.  I thought it would liven things up from the usual stuff about people's breakfast, or photos of their pets, or how drunk they got the previous night.

  • in reply to Bagpuss7

    It is dreadful! I have to wait it out a while because to add to the already stressful mix, I’m moving flat soon so I need the money but I can’t wait to hand in my notice!

  • in reply to Martian Tom

    Home is my safe place, I would love to work from home but I would struggle to motivate myself.  Writing all day sounds good, I would love to read all day.

    I understand you, my current workplace is full of all of what you list there. It’s also one of these ‘new start up’ companies and every morning we do a ‘positive focus’ where we all stand in a circle and tell everyone about our evening/weekend and how much we are looking forward to the day. Which is fine for a lot of people because they have lots of exciting plans and feel great about the day but it makes me very nervous waiting my turn trying to think of what to say!

  • in reply to saganoren

    Yeah... I've got a degree - and am currently on my 27th job (minimum wage) in 40 years of working. 

    Which isn't to say that'll apply to you, too.  It just took me a long time to find a niche.  Even so, I find what I do exhausting.  If I could make a living out of my special interest, writing, I would be happy.  Then I could just sit at home all day and write.

    High pressure environments are anathema to me.  Anything with deadlines, constantly ringing phones, workplace cliques, the need to cut corners to get the job done.  Hate it.