Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, sorry in advance for moaning. I'm feeling really fragile these last few days. I don't like admitting to not coping, as anyone that knows me would tell you, I'm a coper, I just pull my socks up and get on with whatever life throws at me. 'S£$% happens, you've just got to get on with it' is one of the many life quotes that I live by. But I'm struggling at the moment. For years I've spent most of my time feeling nothing, and that's been a comfortable way to feel, better than feeling sad. Following my diagnosis I still felt nothing, I thought that I'd taken to having ASD like a duck takes to water. I was aware of an accelerated amount of cognitive processing happening but no emotion. Now the emotion has decided to hit me and my anxiety level has gone through the roof. I just feel like tiny, insignificant, pathetic excuse of a human being. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of processing that I'm having to do: forming new cognitive schemas of myself in line with having ASD, thinking over everything that has happened all through my life; thinking about all the symptoms of ASD that I have been aware of since early child that are now amalgamated into the single entity of having ASD. There's far too much reshuffling of concepts and ideas going on in my head at the moment. Following diagnosis it felt as though everything in my new life as a woman on the spectrum started happening really fast, it's snowballed, there's too much to process and too little time. How have other people coped with the adjustment phase and how long does it last?
Thank you. Sadly I'm not very good at slowing down a bit, never have been! I think maybe engaging in a hobby to relax might be a good idea.
I remember feeling really upset when I got diagnosed with Asperger's 17 years ago. I think it took me about a year maybe to come to terms with it.
If you think about it objectively I think anyone is overwhelmed when they're diagnosed with something they never expected. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's fine to feel the way you do. Change is difficult, it's an essential part of life though, I guess, progress depends on it!
I think it's fairly common to be up and down and round in circles after a diagnosis. Even if you knew it was coming, it is still a huge event in our lives.
Perhaps you need to slow down a bit? It sounds like you are getting overwhelmed. I can relate to having far too much going on in my head. I find it helps to get lost in one of my hobbies/special interests when this happens.