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How to handle or find an outlet for difficult emotions - advice please

Andrew

In the past 10 days I have had a really bad time trying to deal with emotions. I met someone online and went on a date. I enjoyed meeting him and then we continued communicating through text after that, but he gradually became more distant.

From the moment I started communicating with him online, I was very excited as I felt a real connection with him. This doesn't happen to me very often. When we decided we would meet up, I felt physically sick with nerves. The actual meeting was fine but then afterwards I was again plagued with excitement and severe anxiety in equal measure.

The feelings were incredibly intense. For a whole week I couldn't concentrate at home or at work. I couldn't eat properly as I felt sick the whole time. I was constantly watching and waiting to see if I would get a message from him (before and after we met). I am sure that I built the whole thing up in my mind to something way beyond reality - but I couldn't help myself.

He has now pretty much started to ignore me. Although I am disappointed, I feel relief as I simply couldn't cope with the situation. The main thing was that I had no idea what he thought about me and there was so much uncertainty about whether or not it would turn into something more than a date. 

Although I am in my 40s I feel really stupid. I feel like it was a teenage crush and I can't understand why the emotions were so difficult to deal with. It took over my life completely and made me feel really ill (physically and psychologically). 

Does anyone have any advice about how to deal with intense emotions like this? I usually go to the gym but this didn't work. Whatever I did, I still felt physically sick and distracted. Can anyone else relate to this situation? I wonder if I am very over sensitive or perhaps the turmoil was caused by a new situation and uncertainty which I couldn't handle? 

Any practical tips on how to handle intense emotions like this would be welcome. I can manage a certain level of emotion but I don't want to go through this kind of hell again next time a new situation pops up. 

Parents

  • Maybe cooking would help. You can get lost in the moment with all the motion, the smells, sounds and the food that tantalises your taste buds. Here's a recipe I made yesterday you could try if you like.

    Nduja Risotto for 1

    Nduja is a spicy, spreadable pork salami from the south of Italy. I get mine delivered from Ocado. It's a meat that is made by air-drying so is healthier than the majority of sausages and hams as it contains no nitrates, preservatives or additives. All that's in it is pork meat and fat.

    Ingredients

    100g Carnaroli or Arborio rice

    Butter, 1 large knob

    Extra virgin olive oil

    A packet of readymade chicken stock (or homemade)

    Onions, 1 large/3 small, finely chopped

    Garlic, 2 cloves, crushed

    Mushrooms, a small handful

    1/2 a fresh lemon, squeezed into a little bowl, any seeds discarded

    Frozen garden peas, 6-7 teaspoons

    Frozen/fresh parsley, 2 heaped teaspoons

    Grated Parmesan cheese, 3 teaspoons

    Salt and pepper

    Method

    1. Pour the stock into a small saucepan with a lid and bring to the boil. When boiling reduce heat to the lowest.

    2. Warm up the butter in a wide saucepan. When hot add the onion and garlic and cook on a medium-high heat for about 3 minutes. 

    3. Add the rice and stir thoroughly to get it buttery and creamy. Then add the mushrooms and mix well.

    4. Pour in some ladles of stock until all the ingredients are mostly covered by liquid. All the rice should be submerged in the stock.

    5. Set the heat so that the liquid is bubbling but not cooking too vigorously. Now set a timer or look at a clock and prepare to cook for another 20 minutes.

    6. Well before the cooking time is up slice off a piece of Nduja using your knife and drop into the pan. Break it up with your stirring spoon and mix it into everything. The rice will now look red.

    7. Continue to add stock whenever the liquid gets beneath the rice.

    8. Two minutes before the cooking time is up add the garden peas and stir in to make sure they're submerged in liquid.

    9. A minute before cooking is done add the parsley.

    10. Plate up. Season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle on the Parmesan all over, then carefully drizzle with a little olive oil.

Reply

  • Maybe cooking would help. You can get lost in the moment with all the motion, the smells, sounds and the food that tantalises your taste buds. Here's a recipe I made yesterday you could try if you like.

    Nduja Risotto for 1

    Nduja is a spicy, spreadable pork salami from the south of Italy. I get mine delivered from Ocado. It's a meat that is made by air-drying so is healthier than the majority of sausages and hams as it contains no nitrates, preservatives or additives. All that's in it is pork meat and fat.

    Ingredients

    100g Carnaroli or Arborio rice

    Butter, 1 large knob

    Extra virgin olive oil

    A packet of readymade chicken stock (or homemade)

    Onions, 1 large/3 small, finely chopped

    Garlic, 2 cloves, crushed

    Mushrooms, a small handful

    1/2 a fresh lemon, squeezed into a little bowl, any seeds discarded

    Frozen garden peas, 6-7 teaspoons

    Frozen/fresh parsley, 2 heaped teaspoons

    Grated Parmesan cheese, 3 teaspoons

    Salt and pepper

    Method

    1. Pour the stock into a small saucepan with a lid and bring to the boil. When boiling reduce heat to the lowest.

    2. Warm up the butter in a wide saucepan. When hot add the onion and garlic and cook on a medium-high heat for about 3 minutes. 

    3. Add the rice and stir thoroughly to get it buttery and creamy. Then add the mushrooms and mix well.

    4. Pour in some ladles of stock until all the ingredients are mostly covered by liquid. All the rice should be submerged in the stock.

    5. Set the heat so that the liquid is bubbling but not cooking too vigorously. Now set a timer or look at a clock and prepare to cook for another 20 minutes.

    6. Well before the cooking time is up slice off a piece of Nduja using your knife and drop into the pan. Break it up with your stirring spoon and mix it into everything. The rice will now look red.

    7. Continue to add stock whenever the liquid gets beneath the rice.

    8. Two minutes before the cooking time is up add the garden peas and stir in to make sure they're submerged in liquid.

    9. A minute before cooking is done add the parsley.

    10. Plate up. Season with salt and pepper. Sprinkle on the Parmesan all over, then carefully drizzle with a little olive oil.

Children
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