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Hi all.

Hellbell

I had a very odd experience yesterday.

i finally decided to seek out counselling session while at uni to help with socialisation issues I have and the guy said something that has set me spinning.

He told me that he hates football but pretends to like it ( for 20 years) so he has friends.

i said to me that is lying and deceptive and being untrue to himself and his ‘mates’, and I was confused as to why he’d play a game like that just to fit in ? It was a revelation to me and only proved how I have been right about people playing games to be accepted. He put me right off.

to me that’s not friendship, based on lie and it has left me confused but now really don’t trust people as he just confirmed to me that NT do what I saw in the first place with small talk and stuff like that. I like intelligent talk not garbage about nothing. Like football..lol...I left very anxious and couldn’t get home quick enough..I almost called him a wanker as I call it as I see it, but what a thing to say to an aspie.

Any thoughts? 

Parents

  • I know from experience masking or pretending is a way to feel normal. I’m an aspie. 

    Maybe for him like you said to form friendships this is the only way he can do this.

    For me when I mask or pretend I’m very tired, it takes a lot of energy! I had to do this in a work capicty in order to fit and to conform to expectations. Im also selective mute so I don’t find conversation that easy, certainly not chit chat. I’m now self-employed as easier for me and have a select few friends as I need to trust the person I’m friends with as trust doesn’t come that easy for me, having had “so called” friends in the past abuse me by drugging me or abusing me for my money as I only want to please and find it distressing to do otherwise.

Reply

  • I know from experience masking or pretending is a way to feel normal. I’m an aspie. 

    Maybe for him like you said to form friendships this is the only way he can do this.

    For me when I mask or pretend I’m very tired, it takes a lot of energy! I had to do this in a work capicty in order to fit and to conform to expectations. Im also selective mute so I don’t find conversation that easy, certainly not chit chat. I’m now self-employed as easier for me and have a select few friends as I need to trust the person I’m friends with as trust doesn’t come that easy for me, having had “so called” friends in the past abuse me by drugging me or abusing me for my money as I only want to please and find it distressing to do otherwise.

Children
  • in reply to wrongplanetforme

    This was a mental health counsellor, not a fellow aspie. I found it uncomfortable to be told this by someone to disclose this to someone who already has problems with making and keeping friends. To me there is no reason to be dishonest just to have friends, maybe it is my black and white thinking but to me as a professional he was wrong to say that to me in a first meet context. Pretend to be something I’m not to make friends? Nope don’t get it, can’t play that game. I like truth and honesty not someone advising me to be a lie just to be accepted.