I'm still on the waiting list in regarding my diagnosis, but I have noticed that over time my Aspergers 'traits' have become more apparent (Especially regarding Social Anxiety & Low Self-Esteem), I know that even a few years ago it was not as apparent and I'm sort of getting concerned.
I've been stuck in the same retail job for nearly 4 years now and it's been something I always resented - Prior to this I had 2 year worth of unemployment from getting fired from my last job due to Asperger Traits causing a problem. I've been looking for positions within the last 4-5 months and had little success - One I really thought I had a shot at and I didn't even get an interview which really disheartened me that I didn't even get a chance.
I'm scared that I'm simply not going to get anywhere and I really don't want to cling onto this job forever as it's really taking it's toll on me. Short summary - I feel shame working there and as it is a retail position the store is open to anyone to walk in, which can lead to severe panic attacks if I encounter someone from the past who recognises me. It's also just a lousy working atmosphere, my debilitated social skills are apparent and I don't really get one with anyone there - I can manage brief interaction with customers but I always struggle with colleagues as after time they see my debilitations.
I honestly don't know what i even can do career-wise... I fear due to my Aspergers traits, that any job I enter with other people will end up being a struggle. At the moment I am looking for employment within a Charity store, as that sounds pretty low-key, but of course they're few and far between due to the majority of the work force being volunteers - I already volunteer with a Charity but not a retail store.
I'm also looking into expanding my own drawing - I've already got a few projects on the go, but am feeling incompetent. I've done concept art designs in the past, which get the idea from head to paper, but I am struggling in being content with producing a finalised piece of work that I feel is worthy - I've done the sketches which I am happy with, but struggling with the colouring process. I'm also uneasy about where to go next, as I am a relatively private person who doesn't do social media stuff - I can see myself setting up a website and things but it's all just a bit overwhelming - In the sense of my self-esteem and pushing my work out there,
