recently I have been having a really hard time trying to keep meltdowns and shut downs away.
It started when the new train table started. All the trains were constantly late and sometime cancelled and this was messing with my schedule. It got so bad that I shut down at a train station and that’s when I knew I need time to myself, so my GP signed me off sick for three weeks.
since then my anxiety’s are getting worse and worse and things that I coped with before, I’m not coping so well.
Noises are effecting me. I hear everything, the buzzing of the electric cables at the railway to a conversation from the other side of the room yet the person who talking to me thinks I’m being rude to them as I’ve missed everything they say.
I work in a call centre and when people have a group clap or cheer it feels like someone has set a fog horn off behind me. HATE IT.... I cover my ears to block it out.
The lights in work, on the train, on the bus are frustrating, they make me feel anxious and they can be blinding, so I wear sun glasses everywhere I am. But what comes with that is the stares I get from people. I only wish they can feel what I feel inside when there starring at me. An explosion ready blow out of my mouth and eyes.
Every single night going to bed I have a shut down. Literal cannot move. When I come round follows a meltdown
It’s so bad my boyfriend and I have separate rooms.
i like to visualise a domino effect. Once one falls the rest will follow. But everyday I have to find that first domino and catch it before it falls. Some days I can
some days I don’t. Wearing sunglasses, getting the earlier (less busy) train etc they stop the first domino.
Yesterday I had the worst day ever.
i had something that was causing me to be agitated really badly, it got so bad that I was rocking and shaking so bad that the whole desk was shaking to the point work collages were saying things. And we’re trying to help.
i ended up biting the base of my thumb and tears rolling under sunglasses. I only realised as the operations manager who is also a trained psychologist took me to a quiet room to calm me down and we just talked and talked about stuff.
i just don’t know how I feel. At least till it’s too late when every single feeling just explodes out.
I am sometimes amazing how I can keep it all together until bed time
maybe it’s a good thing that I’ve managed to manage my meltdowns and shutdowns to night time. But I’m just having such a bad time at the moment.
my senses are going overload and it’s nasty. Sight sound and smell doesn’t help when there is a guy with the worse personal hygiene ever.
my Councller says I cope extremely well (thanks to Drama school I must add) but I am now getting exhausted inside
how do other people cope in these situations. Please share so I can have a go and see if it helps me