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Am I on the spectra?

NAS51013

Hi All,

I have recently discovered that all my "quirks" could be due to autism at the age of 27!

I came to this realisation after a discussion with my husband regarding what annoys us about each other. He finished the conversation with "you're definitely autistic" ... Wow! What a realisation. Could this be the reason for all my "quirks" that I have been constantly battling with from childhood/the reason I struggle to understand myself and others?!

I have always been AWKWARD. I can't make eye contact, I twiddle with my hands/my lanyard at work. I zone out of conversations whilst thinking about what eye I should be looking in, am I making too much eye contact, not enough? have I even blinked yet?! Also I don't know when its my turn to talk, should I interject here, oh wait no I just interrupted them midflow and killed the conversation - again! I get reallllly nervous about chatting with people, I can just about handle 1:1 but even then I get flustered and go red in the face.

I hate change, everything has to be in the right order, organised weeks before. Recently I changed jobs and the change has really disrupted my routine, the job is also very "reactive" which upsets me greatly - ive been questioning whether I am depressed? However I am doing well in the job...perhaps excelling, ive already had a pay rise? Why am I finding it both hard yet doing well?! whats up with that?

I've always struggled wit friendships, finding it difficult to have more that 1 at a time and struggling to know how "full on" to be. I have heightened sensitivity to both light and sound, often having to remove myself from busy places. You see where this is going....I display a lot of the common symptoms!

However I am pretty high achieving, I have a masters, I have a good job as a chemical engineer, I am married etc etc.

I am confused as to whether I should seek a formal diagnosis? Do I need to put a label on myself? After all ive done pretty well so far and I don't want to admit to others I have a problem?

Help! are ther others the same as me?!

Parents

  • Ooh look! A female me! Here's a trick for you - look at the middle of their forehead - they think it's eye contact and we don't have to worry about which eye to make contact with!

    Everything you have said describes me. I always knew due to comments from others, and having a son diagnosed, and ignored it. Getting a diagnosis is a double edged sword but I felt I had to have something formalised because I hit a crisis point that ruined last year for me and my partner. So in that respect, maybe getting diagnosed sooner would have stopped that happening.

  • in reply to Candlewax

    Hey, 

    How wonderful to hear you've had similar experiences! I thought I was just a bit socially awkward and thought nothing more of it.

    It's got to a point where I think it's stopping me progressing career wise. A current recurring theme in my Pdp is regarding communication and 'selling myself' to senior stakeholderss... How the hell am I supposed to do that. I work on facts and data. I believed my work should speak for itself.

    Maybe I should seek a diagnosis and get support in respect to this.

    Sorry to hear that your autism could have lead to a determental effect for you and your partner. I suppose it's probably equally important for my husband to understand this as it is for me!

    Thanks for your advicea

Reply
  • in reply to Candlewax

    Hey, 

    How wonderful to hear you've had similar experiences! I thought I was just a bit socially awkward and thought nothing more of it.

    It's got to a point where I think it's stopping me progressing career wise. A current recurring theme in my Pdp is regarding communication and 'selling myself' to senior stakeholderss... How the hell am I supposed to do that. I work on facts and data. I believed my work should speak for itself.

    Maybe I should seek a diagnosis and get support in respect to this.

    Sorry to hear that your autism could have lead to a determental effect for you and your partner. I suppose it's probably equally important for my husband to understand this as it is for me!

    Thanks for your advicea

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