Published on 12, July, 2020
after years of mental health struggles and physical my GP said to me...Aspergers? He noticed I was diagnosed with Irlens Syndrome while at university in 2008. Then my diagnosis of emotional unstable personality disorder (BDP) made him stop and he put 2 and 12 together as I was talking about my struggles with forms for esa review and my ritual life style, debilitating fatigue (diagnosed as fibro) and he clicked.
I said I had mentioned it a few times to my care coordinator that I thought I was as my research rang bells even from my childhood, meltdowns, relationship problems ( I have no friends and have been called weird and offish or rude). My father was an engineer and spent hours in the shed obsessing over measuring and metals, but he had no social skills or tolerance and sensory sensitivity too.
To hear mt GP say it made me feel I had been ‘seen’ for the first time, someone actually acknowledged me and got me and it all made sense and I have been smiling ever since. Yes, I have my own internal planet and it’s ok, I’m not mad I am made this way....and I can deal with that.
i have had a long time to manage, observe and understand some of my behaviour tho it does leak out sometimes and I make faux pas. I’m super organising as I have learnt this stops stress, everything has a place so I can find it like packing my bag the night before lectures for an MA I doing..and student services have been been great. I get acupuncture once a week on my hardest day then rest the next as I’m overwhelmed by the energy spent being in a social environment.
On path to have official diagnosis but I just know now and it has made all the difference. Then only draw backs are revising my past seeing it in a new light and I suspect my son is on the spectrum as he has asked me if I think he is, he is in his twenties. We both did an online test and ta da! Yep...and out our family we are the only two who get each other and understand our little habits and rituals and appalling humour as we are very blunt when left alone and no one is around...we can just be ourselves and it’s a great pressure release for us when we have to fit in with NT people. We can be honest about thoughts others don’t get.
Being my age and female flying under the radar for so long is a relief...a big one, I can embrace myself as just being me.
Tell me about it - I'd love a year or so without overwhelming pressure of work to work this out.
Trouble is I've been pretending, masking and warping myself out of shape for so many years now I'm not sure what is the real me and what is an adaptation.
My wife says I seem to have got worse since my diagnosis but I have tried to explain to her that I'm just not fighting it anymore, keeping the mask up takes too much energy!
Exactly! You can drop the mask now and be yourself. I get told that I act more autistic now than I used to. No... I don't act at all any more!
I wish I had more time to read up about it . . .
Good book.
I've looked at that book on Amazon a couple of times but have always been put off by the reviews...apparently there's a lot of "woo" in it which wouldn't suit me at all. I'll be interested in hearing more of you opinions on it when you've finished it.
Just got book delivered...Very Late Diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome by Philip Wylie. Amazon.co.uk and has a section on reactions to diagnosis, I have found it helpful.
Hi,I'm male and was diagnosed at 52 and am now 53. Still trying to get my head and heart around it all. After an initial feeling of relief an elation on being diagnosed I have been quite depressed at times, I think this is natural and part of a grieving process. I always knew I was different as a kid...ditto both my parents... and have spent a lot of my life trying to fix myself. I now realise what a fruitless task that was and need to learn self acceptance and love..its all work in progress hard to break the habits of a lifetime!. I have 2 sons who both of show traits of being on the spectrum, this stuff does run in families and there are others in our wider family I suspect are aspie too.My wife says I seem to have got worse since my diagnosis but I have tried to explain to her that I'm just not fighting it anymore, keeping the mask up takes too much energy!Good to have you here, as you can see there are quite a lot of us in our 40s 50s and 60s and possibly beyond.
Hi all - for me the diGnosis at 51 was such a relief - all those years of being dismissed or labelled as depressed, too much, weird etc ....... now thanks to my current gp who understood everything and referred me for adult diagnosis at bushey fields - finally some relief and maybe in time peace with myself at least - now 53 and gonna make the very most of life!
Nice to find out there are people in my age group!
Diagnosed at 56. 60 this year!
As others have said, it was a relief. Answers at last!
Diagnosed at 58, now 59 and female. Beginning to understand why I have struggled with some things and excelled at other things. It is, as you say, a huge relief!
Hi there - I'm also in my 60s and this all resonates with me, good to meet you Your relationship with your son sounds lovely!