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Disclosing - reactions

Aurora

I’ve managed to disclose to four people so far. And their reactions were nothing I’ve anticipated.

First person - my husband. He said it didn’t really matter. He never asked any questions and we never talked about it again.

Second and third - my closest coworkers (I don’t have any contact with them since they’ve left the company) Their reaction to the news was “and what now?” I said “nothing I guess” (because “what now?”) and that was the end of the conversation. We never talked about that again.

Fourth - my line manager. I’ve been building up to disclosing ASD at work and when I’ve finally got that out - my manager reaction completely surprised me. He just said “thanks for letting me know” and basically changed the subject.

So my guess is - he’s never going to mention that again. 

On Monday I asked for the meeting with my manager. I talked about my issues first and he kept assuring me - apparently I just need to be more confident and talk to people more about how to organise workload. And be more assertive and “strict” (I’ve got problem with delegating tasks and end up doing everything myself). So finally I said about my diagnosis and he just said “thanks for letting me know”. He didn’t ask for any evidence. Then he said he had to go to another meeting. He hasn’t mention our conversation since then.

Not what I expected.

I guess nothing’s going to change at work. 

Nevertheless I feel quite positive (which surprises me).

I gave myself permission “to be more myself” at work (I’ve decided I don’t really care if someone sees my jumping, clapping or whatever)

Communication problems won’t disappear though. 

  • I had another meeting, they asked for any relevant documentation and we talked about accommodations. And about informing my coworkers. I wasn’t sure about informing everyone but then I thought my coworkers might as well know about it.

    Especially that I heard them talking about me behind my back anyway (commenting my gestures-I tend to flap my hands and tap my ears when stressed or rushed which is pretty noticeable, even through I’m trying to stop it as much as I can)

    Even through I’m happy they know (so far) it drains me. It is constantly on my mind. I hardly sleep. I keep thinking about what I did, questioning myself. 

  • Hi sounds very similar to the reactions I got at work ranging from "I would never have guessed" to "that explains a lot" but no one wanted to talk about it.  I only told 4 people & I worried for weeks before telling each person and practised what I was going to say and was so nervous I don't know what I was expecting but it felt like no one cared and definitely no one wanted to talk about it.  At the time it was all that was on my mind and I was desperate to talk about it with anybody but no one ever mentioned it again.   The strangest reaction was my boss who said at least now I could have extra  days off before needing a doctors note as being autistic is a disability!!!  It hasn't made a difference at work and I think I'm fine with it now but I'd still be happy if anyone wanted to talk about it so it's not all in my head.  Well done for being yourself at work - I've still got to work on that because there's a big difference between colleagues knowing and the public!

  • I had a similar experience when I disclosed. My OH wasn't surprised and my mother wasn't surprised. I did disclose at work because I thought it was the 'right thing to do' but only verbally, I really wish I'd done it in an email now because I think the senior manager I told  is going to deny all knowledge. So... If you are comfortable doing this I would also e-mail your boss so that it's documented in case you ever need any 'reasonable adjustments', but well done because I know its not easy.

  • Good on you for giving yourself the permission you need :-).

    I would have expected a good management response to be more along the lines of, at minimum, "Thanks for letting me know and is there anything you need me to do about it?". But anyway, what matters is that you and your manager understand each-other and you're aware of your obligations and theirs, and that their obligations include the employer's obligations to make reasonable adjustments that you ask for.

    Hope it all goes well!

  • I think a lot of us just worry unnecessarily about disclosing our autism.

    When I told my work colleagues, the reaction ranged from ' You don't say!' to "Well that explains a lot".  Some said they wouldn't have been able to tell, and  others became a lot more understanding of me.

    My managers were a different bowl of water altogether, and I have written about the problems I have had before, but I will collate it all some time and write about my struggles, but even this now appears to be resolved and things have at last settled down, although I am crossing each day off till I retire ... just 593 days left (including weekends and holidays)!