Disclosing and reasonable adjustments

 I’ve been considering - to disclose or not to disclose autism at work? 

I thought I didn’t need to disclose because I found this job before even autism crossed my mind. 

So I thought “I went so far not knowing so I’m going to ignore it”. 

Especially that I read all those stories about how other people might react after disclosure and I was worried that suddenly they might start treating me badly.

But disclosing also means reasonable adjustments. 

And that they’re going to ask about it. 

And I’m not sure what would help? How do you know what helps you? 

I keep asking myself “will it help?” and I’m not sure. 

I have my own computer which I hate using because it’s in the middle of open plan office but I’m not sure moving desk would help because other spaces in the office are not especially appealing either. I’d rather have my own office with the printer but that’s not an option. 

The main problem for me is communication though. 

Someone is explaining something to me and the moment they stop I don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to do. And how. I try my best but then people get angry that it wasn’t what they meant and that they’ve explained everything so clearly (and I feel like an idiot) 

Could I ask to be moved one step down the company ladder as an adjustment?

I’m a supervisor and it’s awful. 

Yes, I wanted to do it because I thought I could. 

But I hate delegating work, and I hate organising time for other people (I can organise and prioritise my own work just fine unless someone suddenly comes and asks me to do something urgent and I’m not sure how to fit it in my schedule)

But being in charge of other people is awful - I don’t know what to tell them, what they should do and when, so the job would be done. 

And I need to train them. I really dislike explaining and training people. Maybe because I hardly talk. So I’m always worried that they didn’t understand me.

But I guess I can’t refuse to train new employees?

And I’m responsible for their job being done correctly because otherwise it’s going to be my fault. Which is rather stressful.

I really need to do something about my work because it destroys my private life (according to my husband-we hardly have any relationship now) 

I like my job but working full time is draining. 

And I don’t really know how to help myself.