Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been thinking about my own unhappiness (and blaming various things and people) and I’ve realised I’m in my own prison. Like an animal that won’t leave the cage even through it’s open.
I’ve got my comfort zone and the longer I’m inside the harder it’s to get outside of it.
Example: Work. I feel trapped there and most people who work with me leave quickly (not because of me but because of pay and work conditions) and tell me I should do the same. And yet I’m still working there. Because I know this place, I know what to do and what is expected from me. At least I knew what was expected from me until new supervisor came and now it suddenly turned out I’ve been doing lots of things wrong and I should do them differently but I’m still not sure exactly how, even through he “explained everything very clearly”(his words) Our manager just said “you need to solve it between you two” - I have no idea how. So I’ve been looking for something else but I’m really rubbish at interviews. And besides, I don’t feel ready to leave, to start everything all over again: new place, new people, new expectations. Too much stress. I don’t feel I can deal with that. So I’m staying inside my uncomfortable comfort zone.
Another example: Talking to people. I’m rather bad at talking to people. I hardly say anything and usually no more than few words. And the less I talk the less I need to talk. Talking is uncomfortable and stressful but as soon as I relax and allow myself to be silent - I go almost completely mute. Then it gets even harder to say anything if I have to. Or if I want to.
And another example: Leaving home. The longer I’m staying inside the harder it gets to go outside. And if I force myself to go for a walk I feel strange and uncomfortable. I wish I had a dog - it would force me to go outside every day. But I can’t have a dog right now.
I keep telling myself that I can do anything, I just need to have good plan. But I can’t think of any plan I would stick to.
So my goal for this year is to step outside my comfort zone. Somehow.
Start living more.
(I just need to think of a good plan first - is it my excuse?)
Think about which things would give you the best quality of life improvement or which things are causing the most distress. I'd suggest prioritising those. Since they have big impacts, making small improvements in those may have quite big payoffs in terms of overall happiness. Then once you start feeling a bit happier you might find you can manage a bit more.
But yeah, the mentality is "It's a marathon, not a sprint." As long as you're mostly moving forwards that'll be good.
You’re right. Small steps, step by step.
And not everything at once because it’s too much. Instead of trying to change my life completely at once, try to change one thing at a time.
Because I’ve started to self sabotage. A lot.
I wanted to meet new people and decided to check my local groups but then I thought that I would have to sacrifice my time. I like my evenings, I like spending time the way I spend it but I would have to sacrifice one of my evenings for the group meetings. And even through I want to meet new people it’s hard to “sacrifice”.
I think I’m getting worse with age. I have less energy to force myself to do things. I’m more anxious, I’m more aware of my limitations and I’m less confident.
1. Have a think about things you'd like to try/do/achieve.
2. Prioritise them.
3. Pick the top few.
4. If they seem too big to deal with in one go then split them down into smaller pieces until you see how you could do each small step and make gradual progress.
5. Prioritise/order your little steps.
6. Start slowly taking little steps.
7. Expect some failures as well as successes. When things go wrong, think about what went wrong and what you can do to overcome that. Adjust plan as necessary.
8. As you start completing items off your original list, add lower down items from the list to your "working-on" plan.