Published on 12, July, 2020
apologies in advance for ranting!
Does anyone else on here have a spouse/partner who, whenever you have an opinion that differs to theirs, they feel the need to blame the difference of opinion on your neurological condition (I say neurological as I’m ASD + ABI). I get this frequently with my husband. The latest example being about 20 minutes ago. Basically I’d spent a good few hours sorting through all the children’s toys in the lounge. What they are currently playing with and what hasn’t been touched since Christmas and put all the older toys in a large box upstairs ready to go in the loft later. So while I was busy decluttering elsewhere in the house my husband goes and gets the box and tips the contents over the floor in the lounge claiming the children still play with them ( they don’t). I got annoyed, not losing it annoyed but just like ‘what do you think you’re doing I’ve just spent hours sorting those toys out’. Instead of any apology my husband just blames my annoyance on me being rigid and fixed and inflexible (prior to ASD diagnosis the same used to get blamed on the ABI) due to Aspergers. Like I’m not allowed to just have a different opinion to him, I’m not allowed to have my own mind. Any opinion I have that differs from his has to be due to my neurological stuff! This annoys me so much, yes I can be very fixed BUT I know when I’m being fixed or when I just happen to have a different opinion to someone else and to be honest I’m pretty sure that most neurotypical women would have got annoyed in the same situation just because it was an annoying and disrespectful thing to do!!
rant over
Yes you have every right to get annoyed with this! And your right a neurotypical woman would have been angry to I personally would have blown a gasket over it! I find my other half does things like this when he has had a bad day and is trying to pick a fight so he can vent and get things of his chest same as he would have a go about my physical problems making me useless at keeping the house clean, but I stopped taking the bait. I ignore him for a while then go and nicely ask him what is the matter generally I get an explanation and an apology! He just needs a while to get his head straight!
Haha - I run a forum and know how hard it is to control peoples language at times - however, I feel sorry for anyone called Richard that can't use their nickname here!
I've read your comments with interest. I have come to the professional* opinion that you married a ***.
*not a professional opinion.
Using logic is good in theory and from experience it does work with most people. However, my husband does not do logic, or rather he doesn’t do other people’s logic! The fact that I’m ND is a handy thing to blame my different opinions on and thus dismiss them as wrong, making his opinion right. But Honestly anyone can try to explain a point of view to him that differs from his own and they can explain it in the most logical, black and white way possible but he still won’t accept any opinion that differs from his own. He will always find some reason why the other person is wrong, if the other person was NT he’d just try to assign a mental health condition to them or say they were under the effect of alcohol or substances, even if that substance was something such as protein powder which produces no neurolochemical effect whatsoever or find anything to suggest there was some fault in the other person that impacted on their mental state enough to make their opinion wrong and his right.
Thank you for replying. Totally agree with what you say.
Just defeat him with logic, either suggest that he should wait & see if the kids even notice some of their toys are missing, or better still suggest to the kids that they help sort out which toys can go into storage (or even on holiday), whilst reassuring them that you can always retrieve them later if they change their minds.
Having said that, using logic to win an argument is the best way to infuriate people who are basically irrational .
Most people would have gotten annoyed at that. No offense but your husband is being jerkish. My wife and I have done the something on many occasions and it's just logical. Tipping the box out in front of you is just grandstanding on his part. A person should never use someone's life-long condition as a way to win an argument.