Am I making too much of this?

My flatmate calls my autism a 'sob story'. I try to stand up against an ableist post on Facebook and an autistic man calls me 'entitled', and tells me that 'autism is only a disability if you let it be one', and I'm 'sickening' for 'making it more than it is'. My old teacher tells me that 'everyone feels on the edge of the group sometimes'. Nurses say, 'Your autism isn't as bad as some people's.' About a million people have said to me, 'Everyone's on the spectrum somewhere.'

Is it me? Am I just self-pitying and not strong enough? Or is it that no one understands?

Parents
  • The statement that "Everyone's on the Spectrum Somewhere" is just plain ignorant & about as nonsensical as saying everyone is a little bit pregnant.

    The fact that there is so much variation within the Spectrum doesn't help though, since it is much easier for some to cope than others. This can lead less enlightened people outside the Spectrum to believe that those who are strugggling are just not trying hard enough, which is again just plain ignorance.

    I am saddened that someone else on the Spectrum would have so little understanding, but I suppose he is probably so much in denial about himself that he is prepared to attack his own community in order to believe he is 'Normal'.

    I wasn't diagnosed until very late, only a couple of years ago at age 55. I always knew that I was different & learned to over compensate in order to blend in better. I had always felt that "I was on the edge of the group" & lived in constant fear that I would be found out somehow, even though I didn't know why I felt that way.

    If I had been diagnosed in childhood, it would have made my life so much simpler as I wouldn't have constantly beaten myself up so much for being different. I wouldn't have made so many terrible decisions in vain attempts to gain acceptance either, or at least not as many. Sadly, it's impossible to turn the clock back though & thinking about it too much is the road to madness.

    I have many good friends who reacted positively when I had my diagnosis & previously had just thought I was a bit eccentric. Your flatmate's comments sound quite insulting, so unless you particularly value his/her presence in your life, I would find a more enlightened flatmate.

    For a Nurse to say "Your Autism isn't as bad as some people's" is completely unprofessional & the sort of spurious logic that parents often use on small children. Having said that though, my Mum still regularly tries to use similar logic on me when my depression worsens, to which I always reply "I can't feel better thinking about other people's misery & would have to be a fairly horrible person if I could".

    It isn't so much that no-one understands, rather that there is a lot of ignorance out there. I know it's difficult & far easier said than done, but where possible try to associate with more positive people & don't allow the comments of ignorant Daily Mail readers to get you down.

    I really hope things improve for you soon.

Reply
  • The statement that "Everyone's on the Spectrum Somewhere" is just plain ignorant & about as nonsensical as saying everyone is a little bit pregnant.

    The fact that there is so much variation within the Spectrum doesn't help though, since it is much easier for some to cope than others. This can lead less enlightened people outside the Spectrum to believe that those who are strugggling are just not trying hard enough, which is again just plain ignorance.

    I am saddened that someone else on the Spectrum would have so little understanding, but I suppose he is probably so much in denial about himself that he is prepared to attack his own community in order to believe he is 'Normal'.

    I wasn't diagnosed until very late, only a couple of years ago at age 55. I always knew that I was different & learned to over compensate in order to blend in better. I had always felt that "I was on the edge of the group" & lived in constant fear that I would be found out somehow, even though I didn't know why I felt that way.

    If I had been diagnosed in childhood, it would have made my life so much simpler as I wouldn't have constantly beaten myself up so much for being different. I wouldn't have made so many terrible decisions in vain attempts to gain acceptance either, or at least not as many. Sadly, it's impossible to turn the clock back though & thinking about it too much is the road to madness.

    I have many good friends who reacted positively when I had my diagnosis & previously had just thought I was a bit eccentric. Your flatmate's comments sound quite insulting, so unless you particularly value his/her presence in your life, I would find a more enlightened flatmate.

    For a Nurse to say "Your Autism isn't as bad as some people's" is completely unprofessional & the sort of spurious logic that parents often use on small children. Having said that though, my Mum still regularly tries to use similar logic on me when my depression worsens, to which I always reply "I can't feel better thinking about other people's misery & would have to be a fairly horrible person if I could".

    It isn't so much that no-one understands, rather that there is a lot of ignorance out there. I know it's difficult & far easier said than done, but where possible try to associate with more positive people & don't allow the comments of ignorant Daily Mail readers to get you down.

    I really hope things improve for you soon.

Children
  • If I had been diagnosed in childhood, it would have made my life so much simpler as I wouldn't have constantly beaten myself up so much for being different. I wouldn't have made so many terrible decisions in vain attempts to gain acceptance either, or at least not as many.

    Are you sure about that? I’m around the same age as you and I know that when I was at school, my school had little to no awareness of autism as far as I know and the kids with disabilities were all sent away to special schools and I don’t think they were that brilliant at the time.