Published on 12, July, 2020
The amazing expert at my PIP assessment stated that as I was diagnosed at 46, I can't be that bad because I held jobs, had a mortgage, etc, and the condition doesn't change or get worse. I have had the same conversation with my partner recently about this, and am interested in opinions.
The way I described it to her was - when you are younger, you can party all night & work all day - for me there was no partying because I was up a 4am so I could be focused by 9am, then shutdown when I got home. However, as you age, the partying gets harder to do, and recovering from one eventually takes a day or two! So, for me, rather than the condition getting worse, it's the affects of it that are harder to deal with and recover from.
What are other peoples experiences with this? I can't find much about it online!
I'm not sure my autism has gotten any worse, if anything I'm better at covering it up. But I'm no longer a youngling, so I don't recover as quickly as I used to and I'm less able able to shrug things off that I used to. Also I find that certain things create very strong emotional responses in me (out of all proportion really) that I struggle to control/handle in a good manner. Those particular triggers have built up over time due to frequent repeat occurrences. Also, I think I've probably built up quite a lot of mental trauma over the years, so I suspect I'm constantly closer to the edge of depression than I used to be.
Maybe one of the things I should ask for help with this year is how to cope when these triggers occur without my resorting to my poor coping mechanisms. I'm a terrible stress eater and I'd like to find a way to be rid of that if I can.
I often have strong emotional responses to things I see on TV, especially to do with empathy for people labelled as outsiders for not understanding normal social rules. Far too much TV comedy seems to be based on the premise of laughing at people who are not aware that they are the subject of ridicule for being different.
Over Xmas there was a comedy program called 'Click & Collect' that I was forced to watch at my parents after my brother recommended it. Everyone else thought it was hilarious, but I didn't laugh once & found it excruciatingly cruel. Towards the end I made an excuse & left the room for a while as I just couldn't stand it. Typically, no-one else noticed that I was uncomfortable though, so much for the empathic skills of NTs.
In 'Click & Collect', a well meaning neighbour was completely oblivious to his tone deaf social awkwardness & was constanly being looked down upon by almost everyone else in the program. It was supposed to have a happy ending, but even that felt like uncomfortable sneering to me.
I can't watch 'Only Fools & Horses' for the same reason, especially the Xmas episode where he gets a posh girlfriend that many people claim is the funniest one. Del Boy thinks he is a well respected shrewd business man & is oblivious to the fact that most people think he is an idiot.
Even some episodes of 'Fawlty Towers' are extremely uncomfortable for me to watch. At least for me, Basil Fawlty seems to clearly have some form of mental illness that needs treatment before he has a stroke, a heart attack or probably both. Everyone else just seems to laugh while he slowly self destructs though. John Cleese also made a movie called Clockwise with a similarly excitable central character who has to cope with a series of disasters which make him late for an important event. I cant watch that movie either for similar reasons.
I quite like watching TV & movies, but have to be careful to avoid things that I know will be triggers. Real life triggers aren't so easily avoided though & my usual reaction in negative social situations is to become quite angry, followed by extreme depression when I get home & the adrenalin wears off.
Don't even get me started on dealing with poor customer service over the telephone though
I agree that some comedies are just excruciating. I am here as a parent and offically NT; but my child calls me BAP.
Analytically, if the relationship is too parent/child rather than adult/adult although the people are both competent adults, then it is patronising. As a female, i get put down by people with a lower IQ and imagine that you get the same treatment. It causes me emotional blisters by always affecting the same place (and adrenalin can be exhausting).
Please don't think I am trying to empathise; I hope it is validation. That souds to be only funny if you can identify with the self-deluding idiot.
I hope you can avoid the idiots.
I solved all the above in me, by never watching tv (unless I'm at somebody's house), I don't listen to radio or modern music, I don't read newspapers or magazines or go on the internet for news stories or social media etc and I avoid people for the most part and I've never been happier :)