Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.
I'm new here.
A couple of weeks ago, I watched a series of videos on the YouTube channel invisible i, which then led to me reading several books about women with autism.
This was an enlightening experience. In so many ways, it was like hearing my own thoughts, expressed through speech and in writing - yet they belonged to someone else. I felt understood - finally - because my experiences and anxieties were not just my own. Someone else felt similarly.
I started to reflect on my own childhood, my teenage years and my current difficulties and suspect that I may have aspergers, though I know this term is now outdated. I struggle to make friends because I feel completely out of place wherever I go, I can take things somewhat literally, I need down time away from people, I do suffer from sensory issues, I stim (I think), I love fantasy (I read that girls with autism often do) and I hate eye contact. These are just a small selection of the traits which could point to autism.
I have asked colleagues and close friends whether they feel this is a possibility and some have told me they've suspected it in the past. Others did not suspect it, but have listened to my thoughts about it and agree there is a strong possibility.
To make sense of it all, I have started a blog and would really appreciate some feedback on my thoughts to try and make sense of it all. Part of me is reluctant to get a diagnosis as I fear this limiting me in the future (I've heard some companies and countries are quite prejudiced about it!)
wordpress.com/.../amiautistic.home.blog
I’ve always felt like the black sheep of my family, I was the wild child, the naughty child that no body wanted to took after as I was too much of a hand full. I decide to get diagnosis not long after my daughter did at the age of 9. As a lot of the issues I was having with her I found I also suffered with.
My first appointment with the gp did not go well because as she put it because I was married and studied for a degree I couldn’t possible be autistic, Needless to say I left the doctors in tears. After I couple of months of still feeling like there comethimg wring with me I plucked up the courage to go back and see a different doctor. This time Id written down all the reasons I thought I was autistic I ended up with 4 pages of A4 paper. This doctor took me seriously and referred my to hospital for tests I had two appointments and with 4 mounts I was diagnosed.
For me a diagnosis has helped me understand me and why my parents struggled with me when I was a child, it’s brought us closer together. It’s help people around me understand why I act a certain way. Its also accepted at work so my employer has to make allowance and offer support should I need it. The down side to having a label is that people blame the label ie autism instead of looking deeper in why certain things happen. Sometimes my husband just sees the autism and not me. Having autism doesn’t define me its just a part of who I am therefore, there’s more to me than just being autistic.
Getting diagnosed is a individual choice people go for different reasons but for me it gave me permission to be me.