Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.
I'm new here.
A couple of weeks ago, I watched a series of videos on the YouTube channel invisible i, which then led to me reading several books about women with autism.
This was an enlightening experience. In so many ways, it was like hearing my own thoughts, expressed through speech and in writing - yet they belonged to someone else. I felt understood - finally - because my experiences and anxieties were not just my own. Someone else felt similarly.
I started to reflect on my own childhood, my teenage years and my current difficulties and suspect that I may have aspergers, though I know this term is now outdated. I struggle to make friends because I feel completely out of place wherever I go, I can take things somewhat literally, I need down time away from people, I do suffer from sensory issues, I stim (I think), I love fantasy (I read that girls with autism often do) and I hate eye contact. These are just a small selection of the traits which could point to autism.
I have asked colleagues and close friends whether they feel this is a possibility and some have told me they've suspected it in the past. Others did not suspect it, but have listened to my thoughts about it and agree there is a strong possibility.
To make sense of it all, I have started a blog and would really appreciate some feedback on my thoughts to try and make sense of it all. Part of me is reluctant to get a diagnosis as I fear this limiting me in the future (I've heard some companies and countries are quite prejudiced about it!)
wordpress.com/.../amiautistic.home.blog
Various people kept suggesting I was autistic about 10yrs ago so I very slowly began reading about it and then did some of the tests online and scored VERY high. So I began to read about aitism in women.
Just over a year ago I decided that my 2018 goal was to 1. Accept my autism for myself and 2. Approach GP to get a formal assessment. I'm 34, married with 3 children but unable to get jobs or keep them for long when I do get one.
I ended up going privately for assessment as my GP was not very helpful and the NHS waiting list for adults once you are referred in my area is about 3 years. I was diagnosed with ASD Adult Aspergers 7/12/18! My private diagnosis is NHS recognised, I made sure it would be and that a copy of my assessment and diagnosis is sent to my GP for my medical records.
For me, having it formally recognised means I can sense of my past. And I can now head into 2019 better able to think about employment and how to keep a job. I have not had a full time job for longer than 3 months at a time because I burn out. A formal diagnosis gives me employment protection. (I know employers can still be hard to work for i they start trying to change terms of employment etc once you actually get in role so it's not a 100% guarentee of being easier all the time though.)
Having my diagnosis has been a big relief.
There are lots of really good books and blogs and fb groups to discover that will help you work things out.
Hi Beaky how much did the private diagnosis cost?
£550