Is discussing what it is like to be Autistic with Neurotypical people an exercise in futility?

The behaviour team where I work have had their eyes opened a bit by my recent travails, and the impact of it all.  I had to pull up the Behaviour Manager when she started down the old 'normalising' track with 'Lots of people get bullied at work, so you're not alone.'  Yes.  But lots of people aren't autistic.  In fact, most people aren't!

I'm already a social pariah!

I tell everyone, and they can think what they like.  Most people seem interested.  They usually ask me what my special talent is (groan). 

I have given it to doctors who assume I am overly knowledgeable in the field of medicine, I am not, I research specifics to do with me, I need to understand to have control, or I dismiss,

 The last one I spoke with by phone I had the courage to say “ I am undiagnosed autistic and do not ask for help easily, I research , do my best but need experts to guide me, not internet, facts and professionalism. So a face to face to go through my back issues, result, 

I was once in A&E the head nurse said “ you seem very clued up on medication ! Are you medically trained?” No I am autustic, it is my way to find out things, “ oh so we did cover that a bit” I interjected I was Aspergers, “ erm? So you are one of the super intelligent ones!”  I couldn’t be bothered to explain to her, but shows the level of understanding some have, one quick day coarse and they know it all, very sad indeed, 

I make a point of trying to get across the many varied abilities on the spectrum, I always say I am autistic, then wait for a reaction,,, only then do I add aspie if it stops them patronising me, I then educate them, I am not super anything, I struggle to get by, I have fantastic ability to operate diggers, level and finish concrete, so I must be Sheldon cooper!

I openly talk about autism on this website.

I mention autism at mental health group meetings, meetings with case workers, social workers etc.

One does not talk about it in polite society.  If one does.  One becomes a social pariah.

Hi, Robert 123,

Thank you for your reply.

I am starting to think that your approach is the logical one. Which from a humanist perspective is such a terrible shame? ;-( 

I don't talk about autism with NTs.

Most people openly have described me as strange, bizzare, a weirdo, a nutcase etc.

If I say I'm Autistic I'm sure they will take it as a confirmation of their original opinions.

Morning Plastic,

Thank you for your reply. I completely and utterly agree with what you have said. For the record, I am not a whiny type or am I out for sympathy - exactly the same as every other ASPIE that I have had discussions with. I have no desire to oust Neurotypicals so ASPIE's can be dominant. I just want a constructive debate, which includes REAL consideration to my opinions and the outcome is of some use to me. 

My experiences are extremely similar to yours, low functioning = receptive, high functioning = difficult and resistant to change.

A great story of my recent issues: I made a formal complaint to my University as to the complete lack of Autistic facilities and understanding for students with an ASC. I was invited to a meeting to discuss the matter, which was held in a room six foot square with people sitting around me in a triangular fashion (about two feet away on each side) after ten minutes of continual questions being barked at me I couldn't take it anymore, so I walked out. The official outcome, a refusal on my part to integrate with the complaints procedure and difficult behaviour! Dumbstruck!!

Hi Martian,

Thank you for your reply. No, I don't think that I act more Autistically as such, however, I do make a conscious decision to tell people at the earliest opportunity. More because I'm a big bloke that constantly looks annoyed, not through choice and it wasn't until I was diagnosed that I was even aware of it (smiling takes real effort!). It is the split second acknowledgement - then continuing as the "norm". which I haven't even got a clue as to what that is or why neurotypical should be considered the "norm" unsurprisingly, these things really bother me! :-)

I think I'd agree with you - even mental health professionals seem to have no clue. They seem to prefer dealing with low-functioning patients because they are easier to push around and medicate. Anyone who challenges their god-like abilities are quickly fobbed off as 'resistant' to their amazing cures.

I met one a couple of days ago who told me he was going to be a surgeon but decided to go into psychiatry. I guess because the work of a surgeon is directly measurable by patient survival/operational success. Psychiatry is not possible to measure. Success has no performance indicators - so as long as all the patients are sufficiently drugged up, everyone's a winner.

NTs seem to prefer low-functioning people too - they are easier to look down on and pity. Anyone high-functioning is close enough to NT most of the time to be ignored - but get treated with suspicion when their autie-traits pop out every now & then.

Good morning Edearl, and welcome.

I was diagnosed in 2015, at age 56, after many years of dealing with 'experts' in mental health.  I, too, have had a lifetime of undiagnosed issues.  I failed at school - was consistently bottom of the year, even though I was obviously bright - and left without qualifications.  At 28, though, I got into university and eventually graduated with a 2:1 degree.  I sent copies of my certificate to my old school as a kind of 'See... I told you so!' message.

I currently work for an autism charity, where you would hope for a little more understanding.  Sadly, it's not really the case.  They're more used to dealing with people with learning disabilities - so an real, live, functioning Aspie is a bit more of a challenge for them.  I even got a rap on the knuckles for hitting a wall when I had a meltdown, which was triggered by the bullying behaviour of another staff member.  I wrote a piece to show to other staff, trying to give some idea of what it's like to be neurodiverse and high-functioning.  I'm not sure it made a great deal of difference, to be honest.  I think people felt it was an exaggeration.  It's as if we're constantly making excuses to explain our 'bad' behaviour.  I suppose, to be fair, it's as hard for NTs to grasp what it's like to be ND as it is for us to grasp what it's like to be NT.  Having said that, I think our experiences as a minority at least give us some insights that NTs don't really need to have - being in a huge majority.  We're just 'odd'.

Edearl said:

Since receiving my diagnosis my experiences have been confusing at best and at times disgraceful and frankly insulting.

Do you mean the way other people behave and react to you when you tell them?  Do you find, now that you're diagnosed, that you can let the mask slip?  Or that you can take it off altogether?  Many say that they behave more 'autistically' after diagnosis.  I certainly do.  I think that's because, at long last, I don't need to keep up a pretence any more.  Which is perhaps why people are more shocked when I behave in a way entirely consistent with my condition.