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Is discussing what it is like to be Autistic with Neurotypical people an exercise in futility?

Edearl

Good Morning Everybody,

I have read all the threads posted recently with great interest, and one of the most consistent themes is the frustration and a lack of understanding of fundamental concepts of what it is like to be Autistic.

For context, I am forty-two and was diagnosed with an ASC a little of over a year ago, after an eight-year battle with so-called “experts”; and I have had a lifetime of Autistic related issues which went undiagnosed – my school reports are great inspirational comedy in hindsight.

Since receiving my diagnosis my experiences have been confusing at best and at times disgraceful and frankly insulting. I would be fascinated to hear people’s opinions, experiences and general feedback.

Thank you all for your time. 

Parents

  • Good morning Edearl, and welcome.

    I was diagnosed in 2015, at age 56, after many years of dealing with 'experts' in mental health.  I, too, have had a lifetime of undiagnosed issues.  I failed at school - was consistently bottom of the year, even though I was obviously bright - and left without qualifications.  At 28, though, I got into university and eventually graduated with a 2:1 degree.  I sent copies of my certificate to my old school as a kind of 'See... I told you so!' message.

    I currently work for an autism charity, where you would hope for a little more understanding.  Sadly, it's not really the case.  They're more used to dealing with people with learning disabilities - so an real, live, functioning Aspie is a bit more of a challenge for them.  I even got a rap on the knuckles for hitting a wall when I had a meltdown, which was triggered by the bullying behaviour of another staff member.  I wrote a piece to show to other staff, trying to give some idea of what it's like to be neurodiverse and high-functioning.  I'm not sure it made a great deal of difference, to be honest.  I think people felt it was an exaggeration.  It's as if we're constantly making excuses to explain our 'bad' behaviour.  I suppose, to be fair, it's as hard for NTs to grasp what it's like to be ND as it is for us to grasp what it's like to be NT.  Having said that, I think our experiences as a minority at least give us some insights that NTs don't really need to have - being in a huge majority.  We're just 'odd'.

    Edearl said:
    Since receiving my diagnosis my experiences have been confusing at best and at times disgraceful and frankly insulting.

    Do you mean the way other people behave and react to you when you tell them?  Do you find, now that you're diagnosed, that you can let the mask slip?  Or that you can take it off altogether?  Many say that they behave more 'autistically' after diagnosis.  I certainly do.  I think that's because, at long last, I don't need to keep up a pretence any more.  Which is perhaps why people are more shocked when I behave in a way entirely consistent with my condition.

  • in reply to Martian Tom

    Hi Martian,

    Thank you for your reply. No, I don't think that I act more Autistically as such, however, I do make a conscious decision to tell people at the earliest opportunity. More because I'm a big bloke that constantly looks annoyed, not through choice and it wasn't until I was diagnosed that I was even aware of it (smiling takes real effort!). It is the split second acknowledgement - then continuing as the "norm". which I haven't even got a clue as to what that is or why neurotypical should be considered the "norm" unsurprisingly, these things really bother me! :-)

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  • in reply to Martian Tom

    Hi Martian,

    Thank you for your reply. No, I don't think that I act more Autistically as such, however, I do make a conscious decision to tell people at the earliest opportunity. More because I'm a big bloke that constantly looks annoyed, not through choice and it wasn't until I was diagnosed that I was even aware of it (smiling takes real effort!). It is the split second acknowledgement - then continuing as the "norm". which I haven't even got a clue as to what that is or why neurotypical should be considered the "norm" unsurprisingly, these things really bother me! :-)

Children
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