Medication that can mitigate autism and anxiety

Ellie, I got quite upset reading this post and all the replies, I really feel for you. I think I might have to hand my Autistic card back in

Like everyone else has said, from your descriptions it's really clear your other half doesn't understand your autism. Does he think people shouldn't have special treatment because they're different? Well, sometimes special treatment is appropriate. You do need special treatment, because you don't function in the same way that "normal" people do, and you need help with the things you struggle with. And don't mean medication or alcohol, I mean support and understanding, and a change in how things are done to help you "fit in" better to the NT world. If you both want to be happy together, he needs to understand that this relationship will be different to "normal" relationships, and he needs to adapt to that. It's not a case of getting "you" out of the way so everyone can have a good time, it's a case of "how can we do things so that everyone including Ellie is happy". Christmas is always compromise when you have autism in the household, but that doesn't mean you need to cancel it, you just do it differently. He'll have a much better time himself if his OH is enjoying herself because accommodations have been made for your needs. 

I know it's easy and flippant to say "you need a new OH", but you need to be with someone who gets it, or can learn about it and adapt. It's not easy living with someone who has panic attacks and meltdowns, but your autism won't go away, and he needs to deal with that. The more support he can give, the fewer the meltdowns. But taking yourself mentally out of the situation isn't the answer - changing Christmas to suit you all is.

seekeraftertruth said:

He'll have a much better time himself if his OH is enjoying herself because accommodations have been made for your needs. 

But he doesn't sound like he's that concerned about whether Ellie is enjoying herself or not.  Just that their (that is, his) Christmas isn't 'ruined'.

Martian Tom said:

But he doesn't sound like he's that concerned about whether Ellie is enjoying herself or not.  Just that their (that is, his) Christmas isn't 'ruined'.

Before children become "Narcissified" ~ their guardians or peers constantly move the goal posts for higher levels of achievement, whilst humiliating them on their failures such as never being as excellent as their Narcissistic guardians or peers, or some other Elitist idol, if they get bested.

If the child does succeed beyond the ability of their guardians or piers ~ the psychological and even physiological violence they have too best involves by degree simplistic ballistic onslaughts, tactically complex precisions, combinations and vice-versa in every way.

The most  narcissistic people will only ever want your opinion if they have told you what it is first. Other people as such are seen as being extensions of the narcissist themselves ~ like looking at your hands and expecting them to pick things up and put them down exactly when you want them to.

By the time a child is "Narcissified" ~ they will feel from one extent extremely uncomfortable about being on their own (if not too psychically traumatised), or just extremely driven to compete with and humiliate others. This is so in order that the narcissist can identify with their victim's feelings of  inferiority or mediocrity, as makes the narcissist feel relatively superior ~or  much better about themselves.

[Inferiority Complex involves having delusions of inferiority, mediocrity or superiority.]

Psychopathic Narcissists (PN's) strategically attempt not to harm others, and Sociopathic Narcissists (SN's) strategically adore harming others.

Martian Tom said:

But he doesn't sound like he's that concerned about whether Ellie is enjoying herself or not.  Just that their (that is, his) Christmas isn't 'ruined'.

Before children become "Narcissified" ~ their guardians or peers constantly move the goal posts for higher levels of achievement, whilst humiliating them on their failures such as never being as excellent as their Narcissistic guardians or peers, or some other Elitist idol, if they get bested.

If the child does succeed beyond the ability of their guardians or piers ~ the psychological and even physiological violence they have too best involves by degree simplistic ballistic onslaughts, tactically complex precisions, combinations and vice-versa in every way.

The most  narcissistic people will only ever want your opinion if they have told you what it is first. Other people as such are seen as being extensions of the narcissist themselves ~ like looking at your hands and expecting them to pick things up and put them down exactly when you want them to.

By the time a child is "Narcissified" ~ they will feel from one extent extremely uncomfortable about being on their own (if not too psychically traumatised), or just extremely driven to compete with and humiliate others. This is so in order that the narcissist can identify with their victim's feelings of  inferiority or mediocrity, as makes the narcissist feel relatively superior ~or  much better about themselves.

[Inferiority Complex involves having delusions of inferiority, mediocrity or superiority.]

Psychopathic Narcissists (PN's) strategically attempt not to harm others, and Sociopathic Narcissists (SN's) strategically adore harming others.

Indeed. We can empathise, but often have difficulty showing it.

The sociopathic narcissist is what I'm dealing with at work - or was dealing until I went on extended sick leave.  I don't have to be around her for the harm to get done.  Witness the scratch on my car, for instance.

It's odd, too, that I should explain my relationship to her (to our HR Manager) by way of saying that we're like two magnets who are pushed together + to +.  Push as hard as you like, we're always going to be repelled.

 The 'unempathetic autie' is a stereotyped invention of an NT mentality that doesn't understand how we think and feel, and never will.

Empath + narcissist 

https://lonerwolf.com/empaths-and-narcissists/

https://themindsjournal.com/stages-relationship-empath-narcissist/

*yes, an empathic autie