I have a very unhappy other half who has requested that I go to the doctors today to get some medication to make sure that I don't "ruin Christmas" (I had a panic attack/meltdown at the weekend).
Can anyone recommend anything that will help?
thank you
Ellie
Ellie, I got quite upset reading this post and all the replies, I really feel for you. I think I might have to hand my Autistic card back in 
Like everyone else has said, from your descriptions it's really clear your other half doesn't understand your autism. Does he think people shouldn't have special treatment because they're different? Well, sometimes special treatment is appropriate. You do need special treatment, because you don't function in the same way that "normal" people do, and you need help with the things you struggle with. And don't mean medication or alcohol, I mean support and understanding, and a change in how things are done to help you "fit in" better to the NT world. If you both want to be happy together, he needs to understand that this relationship will be different to "normal" relationships, and he needs to adapt to that. It's not a case of getting "you" out of the way so everyone can have a good time, it's a case of "how can we do things so that everyone including Ellie is happy". Christmas is always compromise when you have autism in the household, but that doesn't mean you need to cancel it, you just do it differently. He'll have a much better time himself if his OH is enjoying herself because accommodations have been made for your needs.
I know it's easy and flippant to say "you need a new OH", but you need to be with someone who gets it, or can learn about it and adapt. It's not easy living with someone who has panic attacks and meltdowns, but your autism won't go away, and he needs to deal with that. The more support he can give, the fewer the meltdowns. But taking yourself mentally out of the situation isn't the answer - changing Christmas to suit you all is.
