Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a diagnosis of Aspergers (apparently, one of the last to get that diagnosis). I am 35 and depressed, but mostly just sad, which I think is different. I need to find a job doing something intellectually challenging, so I'm trying to start a career in software development - I had one position but it didn't work out. I have had amazing concentration in the past, and was able to take on a lot of information and learn things very fast, but I find that difficult now. I hate being tested - I had a number of awful episodes when I was a kid that made me feel like it didn't matter how well I did and it was better to fail and not draw attention to myself. I used to read all the time, but now I can't read for long at all without becoming distracted. I have worked quite hard on being less distracted, but I still find it an effort to hold the meaning of things in my head from one end of a sentence to the other. I feel, given this, it is miraculous I can understand as much as I do.
I have been afraid for a long time of going into the absorbed state of concentration that I love to be in. I don't really know why - I feel not allowed? Or vulnerable to not noticing what is going on around me? But then I can't do it at home either when nobody else is around. Other people seem to recognise this state when you talk to them about the autistic spectrum, but no matter what they say I know they will be annoyed if I actually enter that state and I forget they exist for a bit. In the past people have been violently angry when I did this. Sometimes, if I get really absorbed, it does hurt my head to come out of that state.
All of this means I don't like to think in front of people. I generally just pretend to be stupid and go along with things. I like to do my actual work in secret with perfect quiet. I have a fear of explaining things to people because they always want me to package things with interpretations and then get upset if the interpretation conflicts with something they believe or even just like. I tend to remember what they say and any questions they have so I can answer them properly later, but people are obsessed with having answers immediately - they even seem to prefer a wrong fast answer to a right one that takes longer than 5 minutes for me to produce!
I am always anxious and do not like being touched on public transport, which in a big city is hard. Everybody is always aggressively positioning themselves on or over you and I have meltdowns at people standing too close behind me in shopping queues or on the underground when young men try to expand into every space I move to get away from them.
All of which either gives me the symptoms of ADHD or I have actual ADHD now. I didn't as a child. My doctor says I should go down the route of getting an autism specialist rather than an ADHD treatment route because the waiting times can be very long - I think he said a year? Whatever this is, it is costing me opportunities and making me feel terrible - my meltdowns are getting more frequent - mostly I don't get angry I just get confused and get lost and lose things. On Thursday last week I lost my mobile on the tube - it was probably stolen from my pocket but I was feeling very confused at the time. I need help to concentrate and regain my awareness when I meltdown.
Do other people have both diagnoses? Do you take drugs for them or use other things to help? Any advice appreciated
I have adhd and Aspergers does anyone have both??
I had a very late diagnosis of high functioning ASD early last year at age 55 & was recently referred for an ADHD assessment with the same outsourced organisation LancUK. I called them yesterday morning to check they were processing the referral as I had not received any written acknowledgement & was told I would be unlikely to see anyone until June next year or possibly even later.
I was referred for the ADHD assessment for pretty much the same reason that I was referred for the ASD assessment, i.e. I suffer from treatment resistant depression.
The ASD referral was after I had waited 18 months for Psychotherapy then effectively failed a year long course of it. My Psychotherapist said my thought patterns were unusually rigid & resistant to change, so recommended the ASD assessment to my Doctor.
The ADHD referral came after my Doctor agreed with me that despite trying quite a few of them over the last five years, conventional SSRI & SNRI anti-depressants have little or no effect on me at all.
After stopping my medication, I was referred to the Psychiatric Dept of a local hospital, who then told me that they thought my depression was probably the result of hidden ADHD symptoms, i.e. severe issues with low self esteem & persistant negative intrusive thoughts. They said that it was quite common for people with ASD to also have ADHD & that the medication usually prescribed for ADHD should be highly beneficial for me.
The thing that annoys me is the inconsist awareness of both ASD & ADHD within the NHS. My depression became too much for me to handle on my own over five years ago & since then I have consistently described the same things to everyone I have spoken too. Allegedly though, the one thing that would have helped is the last thing that has been suggested.
The guy that referred me for the ADHD assessment said that the language I used to describe my symptoms was so highly characteristic, that in his experience was only ever used by people with ADHD. When I asked him why everyone else had overlooked it, he just gave a vague non-commital answer.
I also described all the same symptoms of low self esteem & treatment resistant depression to LancUK during my prior ASD assessment, but they seem to have been oblivious to it as well, despite it being one of their specialities.
Prior to being referred for an ADHD assessment, I didnt know much about it other than the usual cliches associated with children, but now that I have read more about how it affects adults, it definitely seems to fit my lifelong problems. The issue for people on the spectrum though is that ASD symptoms frequently mask the more commonly recognised ADHD ones, so it often goes overlooked.
Other than the fact I am suffering from depression though, I really don't know what is wrong with me. Until I have the assessment though, I am just left to cope on my own, since the NHS have said that it is pointless prescribing yet more SSRI or SNRI based anti-depressants when they don't work for me & similarly for more therapy as that doesnt work either.
Life sucks!
I wondered about this coz so many YouTubers talking about autism say they have both. Some of them I believe less than others