Do you work?

I currently work in a small Office environment with a small group of people who are kind, caring, considerate & understanding of me. In a way, I had been through a lot before I had even gotten this job so I had built up a lot of coping mechanisms in dealing with things at work. I was open & honest with them from the start & with some assistance I was able to get some funding for part time work at minimum wage. I'm not going to say that I don't still get stressed or anxious but I find it easier to deal with those feelings having gotten used to things over the years. What also helps is the small environment with very nice people I'm happy to work with in an organisation that understands & values me. The downside being that it's part time & doesn't pay enough to live though they would like to do more for me. At the moment it suits me well enough & in time I'm hoping the organisation will grow, which will lead to me getting more hours & pay.

However, before I arrived at this job I can safely say it has been a journey. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32 but growing up I always had a mentality of wanting to work hard, to prove myself, to progress in a career & to be able to earn money to be able to live a comfortable life. I came from poverty so seeing what my parents went through on a daily basis struggling to put food on the table & thankfully living in a country with welfare & council housing, we did have a home. It always taught me the harsh reality of life, the importance of education & the importance of needing a good job so that I wouldn't go through what my parents did even though my parents also had good educations but things don't always work out even if you have a good education as I found out myself. At school, everything was about getting a good education as it will guarantee you a great job, a great career & a great salary. That turned out to be a load of lies from people who had obviously gotten lucky.

I got my education, took a little while as I ended up dropping one university course for another. I had difficulties due to my anxiety issues & being bullied due to being different. I got through it though with my focus on the fact that school would not last forever & things would be different in the real world where my education would provide me with opportunities while my ability & hard work would reward me. No matter the issues, I kept pushing myself, which was a strain mentally on me but I was determined to prove to myself that I could make something of my life, escape poverty & achieve something great. However, that mentality, the hard work, the ability, etc. all counted for nothing because the same social rules seemed to apply in the workplace. People either liked you or they didn't I guess & I wasn't liked so I went through being bullied, abused, isolated, excluded, discriminated against etc. I'm sure people get the picture & this was before I was even diagnosed. I got angry & the angrier I got the more determined I got, the more I pushed myself, the more I strived to work towards professional qualifications in the hopes of opening more doors so that I could get a better opportunity in a place that would appreciate me. However, I was trapped, I was getting older even though I was gaining qualifications but I was limited by my ability to perform at interviews, the fact that I was limited by not being able to drive, the fact that I had no contacts or friends who could do anything, etc. Finally the organisation most likely concluded that I was going nowhere & they could do whatever they wanted with me. The final straw being they took my job away from me without consulting me & moved me into a position I told them I didn't want while making sure I couldn't get out of it. I finally reached my limit but in a way I had built up quite a bit of resilience throughout my life from school up until that point. They probably thought they had got me but I just ended up walking out taking all my knowledge, skills & experience with me as my only choice to beat them because I doubt they ever imagined I would do such a thing. I've been told by many people I made the right decision, even though the consequences led to me losing my home, my job & any sort of stability in life. By the time I was diagnosed, it was already clear to me the employer was going to do absolutely nothing even if I were to tell them because they had already made it perfectly clear what they had thought about me. Yet, also in a way, all that pushing, determination & focusing of anger drove me to get used to things in a way & to help ease my anxiety. I hated the social stuff but then again, I just pretended like I was friendly with people & spoke to them as they did with me. Lies & deception seem to be the way of things.

Then a few months later, I found my current employer & was completely open & honest about things, which they were supportive about. I am now extremely valued & appreciated in a place where I enjoy working. Sure, I can get anxious at times as well as getting stressed due to work demands in a small organisation with few people where we need to help each other but the fact that we can work together in such an open & supportive way helps me feel more able to deal with those things because I always have someone at work I can talk to about things who will be extremely understanding.

I currently work in a small Office environment with a small group of people who are kind, caring, considerate & understanding of me. In a way, I had been through a lot before I had even gotten this job so I had built up a lot of coping mechanisms in dealing with things at work. I was open & honest with them from the start & with some assistance I was able to get some funding for part time work at minimum wage. I'm not going to say that I don't still get stressed or anxious but I find it easier to deal with those feelings having gotten used to things over the years. What also helps is the small environment with very nice people I'm happy to work with in an organisation that understands & values me. The downside being that it's part time & doesn't pay enough to live though they would like to do more for me. At the moment it suits me well enough & in time I'm hoping the organisation will grow, which will lead to me getting more hours & pay.

However, before I arrived at this job I can safely say it has been a journey. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32 but growing up I always had a mentality of wanting to work hard, to prove myself, to progress in a career & to be able to earn money to be able to live a comfortable life. I came from poverty so seeing what my parents went through on a daily basis struggling to put food on the table & thankfully living in a country with welfare & council housing, we did have a home. It always taught me the harsh reality of life, the importance of education & the importance of needing a good job so that I wouldn't go through what my parents did even though my parents also had good educations but things don't always work out even if you have a good education as I found out myself. At school, everything was about getting a good education as it will guarantee you a great job, a great career & a great salary. That turned out to be a load of lies from people who had obviously gotten lucky.

I got my education, took a little while as I ended up dropping one university course for another. I had difficulties due to my anxiety issues & being bullied due to being different. I got through it though with my focus on the fact that school would not last forever & things would be different in the real world where my education would provide me with opportunities while my ability & hard work would reward me. No matter the issues, I kept pushing myself, which was a strain mentally on me but I was determined to prove to myself that I could make something of my life, escape poverty & achieve something great. However, that mentality, the hard work, the ability, etc. all counted for nothing because the same social rules seemed to apply in the workplace. People either liked you or they didn't I guess & I wasn't liked so I went through being bullied, abused, isolated, excluded, discriminated against etc. I'm sure people get the picture & this was before I was even diagnosed. I got angry & the angrier I got the more determined I got, the more I pushed myself, the more I strived to work towards professional qualifications in the hopes of opening more doors so that I could get a better opportunity in a place that would appreciate me. However, I was trapped, I was getting older even though I was gaining qualifications but I was limited by my ability to perform at interviews, the fact that I was limited by not being able to drive, the fact that I had no contacts or friends who could do anything, etc. Finally the organisation most likely concluded that I was going nowhere & they could do whatever they wanted with me. The final straw being they took my job away from me without consulting me & moved me into a position I told them I didn't want while making sure I couldn't get out of it. I finally reached my limit but in a way I had built up quite a bit of resilience throughout my life from school up until that point. They probably thought they had got me but I just ended up walking out taking all my knowledge, skills & experience with me as my only choice to beat them because I doubt they ever imagined I would do such a thing. I've been told by many people I made the right decision, even though the consequences led to me losing my home, my job & any sort of stability in life. By the time I was diagnosed, it was already clear to me the employer was going to do absolutely nothing even if I were to tell them because they had already made it perfectly clear what they had thought about me. Yet, also in a way, all that pushing, determination & focusing of anger drove me to get used to things in a way & to help ease my anxiety. I hated the social stuff but then again, I just pretended like I was friendly with people & spoke to them as they did with me. Lies & deception seem to be the way of things.

Then a few months later, I found my current employer & was completely open & honest about things, which they were supportive about. I am now extremely valued & appreciated in a place where I enjoy working. Sure, I can get anxious at times as well as getting stressed due to work demands in a small organisation with few people where we need to help each other but the fact that we can work together in such an open & supportive way helps me feel more able to deal with those things because I always have someone at work I can talk to about things who will be extremely understanding.