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Do you work?

Emma

I work in a office building. I'm one of three women and a man. My job is to answer the phone and use a computer, my day consists of me typing, speaking on the phone and engaging in conversation (help!) with my work colleagues. My friend April who works next to me is really nice and I think she knows there's something different about me because she seems to give me a sort of comforting smile a lot of the time. Work is hard, every day I spend ages making sure I look right for work and change my clothes and redo my hair about fifty times before I finally leave. When I get to work I spend the day feeling anxious because I know I'll have to engage in workplace communication, either work banter or one of my colleagues will ask me if I have a file or if someone called. This sends me in to a massive brain shutdown moment where I spend the next ten minutes trying to think and communicate at the same time, which results in me not finding the right words and just sort of babbling like a baby.

Working is difficult, mostly because of the amount of things I have to do. Focusing, communicating, being out of my safe zone and *shudders* office meetings where I sometimes have to stand up and talk to my colleagues as well as our boss... Usually after a meeting I end up throwing up in the bathroom and have a mini panic attack.

Does anyone else here work and have similar problems to me?

Parents

  • Hi Emma,

    Yes, I work - though part-time now.  I've been in care work, on and off, for 14 years.  I currently work in a day centre for autistic adults.  There, at least,  I can be open about my condition and get appropriate support (which I've recently needed).

    But frankly, I wish I didn't have to work.  Not because I'm lazy.  I've always worked (apart from periods at uni, and following redundancy, and one period of extended sick leave).  But the older I get, the more exhausting it becomes - even in congenial environments.  I'd sooner work alone.  If I could make a living out of some kind of home work - as my brother does - then I'd jump at it.  But I wouldn't want the stress and uncertainty of self-employment, unless I knew I could guarantee at least a minimum income.  I did it once before, sitting at home all day on my computer, which was great.  But the income was so up and down, and the good months never quite made up for the bad ones.

    I'd retire at the drop of a hat.  Ironically, if I'd stayed in the civil service, I would have been able to retire next year on a good pension.  But the work drove me to despair in the end, which is why I got out.

    Sometimes, the anxiety is so great at work that I just feel like going sick permanently and working my ticket.  But then I face the vagaries and inhumanity of the benefits system.  I don't know which is worse.

  • in reply to Martian Tom

    I'm sorry work makes you so anxious, it does me as well, but as you know it's one of those things that needs to be done to live.

    My anxiety makes me sick, literally. I spend a lot of time at work going to and from the toilet to be sick, which is vile lol.

    Working in an Autistic day centre sounds like a fun job. I'm not surprised it makes you anxious but I guess the one good thing is that you're amongst people who are like you in ways. I hope your anxiety improves.

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  • in reply to Martian Tom

    I'm sorry work makes you so anxious, it does me as well, but as you know it's one of those things that needs to be done to live.

    My anxiety makes me sick, literally. I spend a lot of time at work going to and from the toilet to be sick, which is vile lol.

    Working in an Autistic day centre sounds like a fun job. I'm not surprised it makes you anxious but I guess the one good thing is that you're amongst people who are like you in ways. I hope your anxiety improves.

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