Do you work?

Work has always been problematic for me.  I worked in an office environment for around 25 years and I never felt comfortable there.  Fluorescent lighting, the constant hum of the computers, the open plan layout, intermittant emails and phone calls plus hectoring managers and ridiculous deadlines.  Also office meetings, appraisals and the threat of job "enrichment" which usually involved giving talks or presentations to other staff or something else I'd worry about for weeks in advance.  I always wanted to find a quiet corner where I wouldn't be interrupted every few minutes for one reason or another but I rarely succeeded.  Hotdesking was particularly bothersome to me - I felt I had to pretend it was no bother but the uncertainty about which desk would be available, whether the comptuer would actually be working, who would be around me in these unfamiliar surroundings and where all my notes and other materials would go just really bothered me.  Other seemed to just take these things in their stride but I felt really eroded.  

It was all very hard to reconcile.  I managed to make things easier by moving from finance into counselling but then, after my younger son had a breakdown and started experiencing a lot of the same problems that I'd always had with anxiety (except many times worse) I felt I was more distressed than most of my clients - an untenable and unethical position.

In the end my health deteriorated to such an extent that I took early retirement.  But I would say that anything that minimises the damage or increases your own sense of control over things has got to be a move in the right direction.

My own strategy included living very frugally so's to minimise debt, skimping on holidays because they were never worth it (an outlay of money that to my mind simply tightened the noose), never replacing stuff until it broke etc.  Plus gradually moving to part time work to make it more tolerable and doing courses that eventually led to my escape from finance.  If my health improved and my son's situation changed, I would consider going into private practice so's I could be in charge of my own working commitments, but really a bit of me is glad for my serious liver condition as it's given me a get out clause.  

Although I've never been in a war zone, I sort of remind myself of Yossarian in Catch 22 - developing a mysterious liver complaint in order to avoid the dangerous missions assigned in the finance department.  And yes, I jest, but seriously it did seem more acceptable to hide behind my liver condition rather than try to explain anxiety levels that were through the roof.  :(   

Work has always been problematic for me.  I worked in an office environment for around 25 years and I never felt comfortable there.  Fluorescent lighting, the constant hum of the computers, the open plan layout, intermittant emails and phone calls plus hectoring managers and ridiculous deadlines.  Also office meetings, appraisals and the threat of job "enrichment" which usually involved giving talks or presentations to other staff or something else I'd worry about for weeks in advance.  I always wanted to find a quiet corner where I wouldn't be interrupted every few minutes for one reason or another but I rarely succeeded.  Hotdesking was particularly bothersome to me - I felt I had to pretend it was no bother but the uncertainty about which desk would be available, whether the comptuer would actually be working, who would be around me in these unfamiliar surroundings and where all my notes and other materials would go just really bothered me.  Other seemed to just take these things in their stride but I felt really eroded.  

It was all very hard to reconcile.  I managed to make things easier by moving from finance into counselling but then, after my younger son had a breakdown and started experiencing a lot of the same problems that I'd always had with anxiety (except many times worse) I felt I was more distressed than most of my clients - an untenable and unethical position.

In the end my health deteriorated to such an extent that I took early retirement.  But I would say that anything that minimises the damage or increases your own sense of control over things has got to be a move in the right direction.

My own strategy included living very frugally so's to minimise debt, skimping on holidays because they were never worth it (an outlay of money that to my mind simply tightened the noose), never replacing stuff until it broke etc.  Plus gradually moving to part time work to make it more tolerable and doing courses that eventually led to my escape from finance.  If my health improved and my son's situation changed, I would consider going into private practice so's I could be in charge of my own working commitments, but really a bit of me is glad for my serious liver condition as it's given me a get out clause.  

Although I've never been in a war zone, I sort of remind myself of Yossarian in Catch 22 - developing a mysterious liver complaint in order to avoid the dangerous missions assigned in the finance department.  And yes, I jest, but seriously it did seem more acceptable to hide behind my liver condition rather than try to explain anxiety levels that were through the roof.  :(   

Jenny Butterfly said:

But I would say that anything that minimises the damage or increases your own sense of control over things has got to be a move in the right direction.

I'd agree.  But in my own situation, I'm not really sure what direction is the best.  Although I only work 30 hours a week and make just enough to cover rent and other essentials (I,too, live simply and frugally - as I've always preferred to live), I still find the work exhausting.  I'm getting to the stage of thinking that maybe my own health could be used as leverage to get me out of the workplace once and for all - but that would mean reliance on state support, and that's not really 'supportive' for those with long-term health problems.  I'm treading water between Scylla and Charybdis.  I still have seven years before I can claim my state pension.  The way I'm going at the moment, I'm not sure I'll make it that far.