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I believe my mum has autism

NAS49971

I'm so soory I don't know where to post this :( i keep checking all the chats and threads and wondering if im in the right place.

I strongly believe my mum.is high on the autism spectrum. Im 30 the oldest of 4 girls, the youngest being 25. There's not been a time weve all gone out or been together and not had to watch after and aprry to say it 'cope my mum'

We try to be compassionate but i looked at all my sister's tonight in their 20s so exhausted, drained and confused :( its been like this all our lifes and lead me down a very bad route with drugs etc which ive broken out of and my mum says is down to bad behaviour. We want to help our mum but know we can't suggest she has autism as 'everything is ok with her' 

She sat in the corner of weatherspoons tonight on her own when the family had got.together for her birthday whilst we wete on the next table trying to make the sitiation comfortable

Can anyone help me as to how i can help my mum and also me and my sister's?

She has been repeating the same tging in the same way for years and today being in a christmas market she kept walking away in the distance without recognising what we are all doing. Shes always done this and hanging up without saying bye etc

I would greatly appreciate some understanding and guidance

Thank you so much

  1. Amy xxxx

  • I found this a good starting point.

    https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

    And Tania Marshall’s website

  • Hi Amy,

    This must be really distressing and confusing for all of you. To be clearer about whether this behaviour is due to autism or some other issue you would have to know what your mum is thinking.  As you say it is hard to explore this as she says everything is OK. If you read accounts written by autistic women the same sort of age as your mum it may help you decide if autism is the probable cause. Lots of women haven't been recognised as being autistic - I am 58 with children aged 29 and 31 and I only got diagnosed a week ago. In my case I answered the AQ and EQ questionnaires available free online. That suggested I was autistic. Then I looked at checklists written by autistic women and it became even clearer.

    Does your mum go to the GP? If so one possibility would be to write down how you think she is demonstrating autistic traits and why you have concerns about her. You could then give this to her GP. They might be able to find a way of talking to her about this. In women autism often gets missed whereas the anxiety and depression that may accompany it get noticed and treated. If the autism is actually the underlying cause it is important for it to be recognised. Things can be done to improve family relationships which have become strained because of social and communication differences. My children always knew I was unusual and they were not that surprised when I got diagnosed. Another option would be to talk to someone else in her life - does she have any brothers, sisters, other close relatives or friends you can discuss this with? 

    Here is a discussion thread on this topic from mumsnet: 

    https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1543966-I-suspect-my-mum-is-on-the-autistic-spectrum-should-I-say-anything-to-her

    It may help you and your sisters to understand more about how autism affects women. If your mum is autistic this will probably make it easier to cope with things even if she still does not accept there is a problem. I am sure the NAS helpline will be able to give you some advice too. 

    Take care